06-30-2019 01:50 PM
07-01-2019 01:40 PM
Hi @Bnwcbw00 and welcome to ReachOut Parents. We are really grateful you have reached out- it takes a lot of courage to come online and ask for help! We hear you and will do the best we can to support you
That is such a tough situation you are in right now It sounds like you have done a lot to accommodate this young man with a really challenging living situation- really commendable that you have given him a home this last month Is he working at the moment or earning an income to support himself should he leave your home?
I can understand your concern with your daughter's wellbeing, particularly given some of her health needs- your concerns are definitely warranted, and I can hear that this is something really weighing on you. What are your initial thoughts? Are you leaning to one alternative or another at this point?
It looks like you might be joining us from the US, and I am not sure what the social support is like where you are, but I know for young people in Australia there is the opportunity for government assistance to help with paying rent and life expenses, particularly if neither your daughter or her boyfriend are working. Do you have something similar where you are that may help the boyfriend find a safe home?
You have mentioned speaking to other people about this situation, and it is really good to hear you are starting these conversations- a decision like this is not easy and having a support system that can be there for you through this journey is really important. Who's in your support network and how did you feel about their thoughts on the situation?
07-01-2019 03:33 PM
It certainly is a tough situation. My response is quite long winded as I went through this beside my partner 3 years ago!
My partner had the exact same issue.. My partner and I went away for a 5 day holiday leaving her 16 yr old daughter at home (Grandmother is 5 min walk away) and came back and found her unemployed 19 yr old boyfriend had been moved in after he was kicked out by his parents.
Months went along and the relationship between mother and daughter nose dived. My partner was being driven out of her own home through steady deteriorating behavior from her daughter. During this time my partners mental health continually was under assault and she was racked by guilt and anxiety.
After about 18 months later my partner snapped and one day told them they had to move out she was selling the house and moving in with me. Her daughter and boyfriend moved back in with his parents 5 days later and my partner still has her house.
My partner now sees her daughter 4-5 times a week for breakfast and coffee as they finally settled in a place around the corner on their own.
The point our story is while it seems like my partners world was coming apart she hung in there with her daughter and never stop loving her. In the end we had a happy ending but it was a terrible journey.
So some things to think about.....
Some important things to remember about you:
Some important things to consider about the boyfriend:
Some important things to consider about your daughter:
What should you do
Every situation is different. If my partner had been as hard on her daughter and boyfriend as I would have been she probably would not enjoy the strong relationship they have today. So the advice I would give today would be different than if you asked me 3 years ago.
Here is what I would do today
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