08-10-2020 11:31 PM
08-11-2020 01:24 PM
Hi @MommaFish3 ,
My heart really goes out to you reading this, you sound like such a compassionate person and you're clearly trying to do your best in what sounds like a really challenging situation. I'm sure that knowing he has other adults in his life that care for him is really important for your daughter's boyfriend.
I'm wondering if your daughter's boyfriend has had any support for his anxiety and depression at all? It looks like you're in the USA, is that right? Unfortunately we're an Australian service so I'm not very familiar with support services over there, but the suicide prevention lifeline is a national service that offers crisis phone counselling and webchat...
If he is having thoughts of suicide they can be a really good resource, and also may be able to give him other suggestions to find support locally.
Do you know why your sons aren't keen to have him come and stay with you? Do you think that they would be open to having a family meeting where you can chat through everyone's concerns? It sounds like an incredibly difficult decision for you, but it also does sounds like your daughter's boyfriend needs people in his corner like you and your husband. Thinking of you, please keep us posted on how you're getting on.
08-14-2020 11:34 PM
08-15-2020 04:15 PM - edited 08-15-2020 04:16 PM
Hi @MommaFish3, thank you for sharing. I agree with what Janine has said, you sound like a really caring person. I bet a lot of teens wish they had someone like you growing up. It isn't everyday that someone welcomes you into their home which can really save someone's life. You are such a caring person for thinking of someone else's well-being and future.
It seems as though your sons are not going to change their opinion. This makes for such a tricky situation. Ultimately, it is your house and your decision, especially as your children are technically adults. That being said, there is a lot to consider with thinking this way. You don't want to ruin your relationship with your family, especially as it sounds like you have a really strong family unit. It is really great that you are being considerate and compassionate towards every member of your family.
You could make the decision to take in this young man and work with your family on ways to make the situation more comfortable for everyone. Just as an example, setting out some family rules for everyone, seeing whether your daughter is still feeling upset etc. Unfortunately, this may not be adequate or your children might move out straight away. Is this something you would be comfortable with? Is this an option or would your children struggle and experience disadvantage? Otherwise, the other option is to help this young man as best as you can from afar. You might be limited in what you can do but I am sure any effort would be very appreciated.
Please keep us updated
08-29-2020 02:33 AM
08-29-2020 04:22 PM
That's really tough, but I definitely empathise with, and agree with your decision to focus on your daughter. As with most break ups, it will take some time to get over the relationship. As a mum I think it's most important to just keep giving support and love to your daughter, as it sounds like you've been doing. It could also help to provide some distractions, like going on family trips or going for walks etc. Are there any activities that your daughter likes doing that you could join in with?