Chronic School Refusal,social withdrawal and mental health barriers in young teen

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Ijustcant,

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for making your first post it’s not easy to come online to talk about what is happening in your family, so we are grateful you have reached out to us!

I’m sorry to hear you are also going through this. Do you want to tell us a bit more about what is happening at home?

School refusal and mental health are both topics we see many parents here working through- you aren’t alone and we are always here to listen 

[mamabear2020]

May I ask how you got on with your daughter? My daughter in a similar situation. Slow processing, struggles with her peers. Bullying hasn't helped a few years ago, she lacks trust and confidence. She has dipped in and out of school refusal and we have always managed to coax her back into school. She only has this year left and she can leave. She is so smart but all her anxieties have come to a head and probably the stress of exams next year has her in knots. She said she will go to another school, she says she needs a fresh start. But its an hour away and I don't feel it's the answer. My husband totally disagrees with any school move and says its a bad move as at least the school she is in are trying to help and thinks she is causing some of the problems. She knows some people who are nice - but she just says everyone is fake. She has recently fallen out with her best friend. Her best friends mum even wants to help but she says her daughter just tells her lies so whats the point. She refuses to see any therapist or talk to anyone about this. I think there are mental health issues going on so how do I help her?

[Krf05]

My 14 yr old daughter is frequently missing school or going in late. She is failing 3-4 classes. She is having anxiety and peer issues. She visits school councilor often. I also have her in weekly counseling outside of school. She has stated she would like to get on meds for anxiety. Our relationship is deteriorating over this. I’m concerned and frustrated. I’m told I’m too forceful to I need to be tougher with her. I just don’t know what I can do about this.

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Krf05 

It seems like you aren't alone, with many parents experiencing this issue. 

It can be really hard when our children stop attending school. It can be easy to go into that "tell off" mode, however as you've stated, it may not be the right thing to do if their absenteeism is due to anxiety. It's really great that you've acknowledged that. It's also great that you're daughter is seeing a counselor both inside and outside of school. You sound like a great parent, one which really cares for their child, which I'm sure your daughter is grateful for. 

If you're from Austraila - a good, free resource for parents in your situation is ParentLine. ParentLine offer confidential and anonymous counselling and support on parenting issues. Their number depends on what state you're calling from - see the following link and scroll down for a set of the numbers per state. 

We have an article on school refusal here .Headspace have some useful information on understanding school refusal here. It might be worth giving both of these articles a read. 

We hope things improve for you and your daughter soon.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Krf05, @mamabear2020 and @Ijustcant,

I thought I might also link one of our Child and Family Professionals posts who has given some ideas about how to approach school refusal. This is the link to the answer by one of our professionals

Hope this helps!

[DeterminedMum]

Hi At-a_loss

You mentioned in your post that your daughter was thinking of other avenues to try for learning.  Are you able to share what they were and whether they worked for her?

[Blake-RO]

Hey @DeterminedMum 

I just wanted to jump in after seeing your question to another community member. It sounds like you are curious about other avenues to try for learning and I was wondering if you felt comfortable sharing more about this and about your situation?