Daughter is careless

[Melach]

Hi! I wonder if anyone is facing same crisis as i am. My 14 year daughter refuses to clean her cupboards. She leaves her dirty clothes piled up in there for days. If asked she says she doesn't likes cleaning. That's really frustrating for a parent. Also she never takes out her lunch box from bag and sometimes the food stays there for weeks and starts stinking. Even if i ask her regularly to ask her whether she had taken her lunch box out she says yes. Though its never out!! I think she has become a habitual liar.
Its becoming so stressful in our house because we end up shouting at her especially on weekends to clean up her own mess.
Please suggest how to deal with this situation.

[Breez-RO]

Hi there @Melach and welcome to ReachOut parents! Definitely think a few parents within the forum will empathise with this crisis 

Sounds like you feel as though you're voice is falling on def ears at the moment. Can I ask what is her reaction when you catch her out on the fibs around forgetting the lunchbox etc?

I have heard a few different strategies. When I was an adolescent my grandmother used to offer me very basic incentive to clean my room whilst living with her. I remember she would request every Sat morning to get my room in order, clear out the school bag. Once this was done I had access to phone, tv etc. If the task wasn't complete she used to keep such luxuries out of reach. I recall the first month or so I attempted to resist this lesson as I didn't like the authoritative approach, but after time it developed a positive regard with the task of cleaning because I would in turn get to my precious phone calls quicker 

I reckon a few of the other parents will offer some stellar tips - Have you tried sitting down with your daughter over lunch and talking one on one about how this issue is impacting her and the rest of the family? I know she mentioned she doesn't like cleaning, but I am just wondering if she's not fully aware of the overall impact she's having. Look forward to hearing from you.

[Beingme2017]

Hi @Melach welcome to Reachout Parent forums!

Sounds like you have a strong willed 14 year old daughter there and yes you are SO not alone !!

Im not sure what your rules are with devices/tv/playstation etc... but my first thought is good old fashioned bribery.

I tell my kids they have no devices until xyz is done. Simple. So they know they have to have done a couple of chores, tidied their rooms, done their homework etc and THEN they can go on their phones/laptops and chill out.

Can you try and get her into a habit of coming home from school and before she takes her bag in her room empty out the food. Do you know why she isn't eating the food? can you slightly tweak what you give her so that she eats it and doesn't bring it back home again? I know that when high school starts they get so fussy and they get embarrassed eating food from home. Or can she make her own lunch?

The lying does become habitual in my experience. It amazes me how much I see my step daughter (13) lying bold faced to her father when I know she has not done what she said.  It blows my mind! Its very frustrating - I feel your pain.

So I reckon barter with the devices, try and set up a routine for her when she comes home from school with the school bag, and sit down and talk about why shes not eating her lunch.

good luck!