Daughter's Friends In Serious Car Accident

[Birdwings]

My daughter's friends were involved in a fairly serious car accident on Friday night and they're all quite stressed out about it. Only one of the passengers was injured and not too badly and thankfully they were wearing seatbelts and the airbags saved their lives apparently. However, the accident has stressed them out and the whole possibility has crossed their minds...what if my friend died? What if I died? In many ways, it has been a valuable life-lesson. They will all be much more cautious driving. However, they're also reluctant to drive although it's only early days. I thought you might've had a fact sheet on this but couldn't find anything and I thought this would be a topic other parents might be interested in too. 

Many thanks and best wishes,

Birdwings

[Eleanor-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Birdwings,

Thank you for forwarding the article to your daughter and her friend’s mother. Hopefully they find the information to be useful. 

How was the conversation with your daughter in the car? I can imagine that would have been a heavy conversation for you both. 

I can see the conflict in trying to keep the incident under wraps to protect the young driver’s reputation but also everyone’s need to discuss and ease the trauma of the situation. It's very fortunate your daughter’s friends are all supporting one another, and you yourself are supporting your daughter and informing parents. 

That's very frightening! It's so important that we pay full attention while driving. 

If you think it would be helpful, you could discuss your daughter’s situation with a ParentLine counsellor. ParentLine is a confidential telephone service for parents to discuss and navigate difficult parenting dilemmas. More information can be found here: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

Wishing your daughter, her friends and yourself safer times ahead.

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Birdwings 

I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter's friends, that must have been a really scary time for everyone involved. I'm really glad to hear everyone is safe. 

I think the questions they are asking are very common for people that have experienced a single event trauma like a car crash. And very understandable that it will take them some time to feel comfortable to get behind the wheel again. We have this post that goes a bit more into single event trauma as well as a link to a fact sheet on it too, which is hopefully helpful.

How is your daughter doing? Are you feeling ok?

[Birdwings]

Thank you very much for that. I've forwarded it to my daughter and her friend's Mum. I am grateful my daughter spoke to me about it as the group has gone fairly silent about it and another close friend who wasn't in the car but was very close to them hadn't said anything to her mum and I was able to fill her in. I have always been very careful with my daughter getting lifts and I pick her up late at night and drive her friends home. Fortunately, I'm a night owl but it's nothing for me to duck out to keep her safe. 

We often speak about how talking with teenagers in the car is very effective and it's been great in this situation. I picked my daughter up from work and we had a chat in the car about her concerns about her friend dying and also about the aftermath of the accident. The driver has to go to court. The friends are all really close and standing by each other but the driver feels bad about my daughter's friend getting injured and there's a lot for them all to process. We lived in a tight community and news travels fast so there's a desire to keep the accident low key and not to make these young people look bad, especially the driver. Yet, there's also a need to talk and debrief. Fortunately, the teens are supporting each other fairly well and I've touched base with the parents I know to support each other. I do think it's been a valuable life lesson though about responsible driving. This accident happened on a suburban street where the driver went too fast through a roundabout. He wasn't joyriding or on the freeway. That's even a good reminder to me. 

Best wishes,

Birdwings

[Eleanor-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Birdwings,

Thank you for forwarding the article to your daughter and her friend’s mother. Hopefully they find the information to be useful. 

How was the conversation with your daughter in the car? I can imagine that would have been a heavy conversation for you both. 

I can see the conflict in trying to keep the incident under wraps to protect the young driver’s reputation but also everyone’s need to discuss and ease the trauma of the situation. It's very fortunate your daughter’s friends are all supporting one another, and you yourself are supporting your daughter and informing parents. 

That's very frightening! It's so important that we pay full attention while driving. 

If you think it would be helpful, you could discuss your daughter’s situation with a ParentLine counsellor. ParentLine is a confidential telephone service for parents to discuss and navigate difficult parenting dilemmas. More information can be found here: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

Wishing your daughter, her friends and yourself safer times ahead.