10-23-2023 09:25 PM
10-23-2023 10:52 PM - last edited a month ago by Erin_RO
1 step forward and 20 steps backwards, yep that sounds like us. And hubby and I celebrating the 'little' positives is what has been keeping us going. We did start some time ago focusing on what we can do differently rather than what our son can change, as we know he isn't changing anytime soon. And many years ago I remember the quote quite well that 'nothing changes, nothing changes' as well as 'doing the same thing and expecting a different result is a sign of insanity' hence we've been trying different things and and making the changes but sadly sometimes it's made us regress and other times there have been inklings of some positiveness and we clutch to those as tightly as we can to give us that hope. So we keep persevering although at times it's beyond draining we know we can't give up.
Each day we're presented with new challenges and today was no different. **bleep** hum. We're all doing the best we can! These kids are so lucky that we all care so much and they deserve every chance so we can only hope.
Like you we celebrate the positives. I find acknowledging the positives at least keeps us sane. I know they might not be the biggest positives and I'm not disillusioned that it's still not a great situation but then I think sheesh it could be worse too.
I'm so sorry that school was hopeless today. You reach out for help but to no avail, it's in the too hard basket for them and we get reminded we are the parents and they are the educators.
No, our son hasn't been on anxiety meds before. He's on ADHD meds. The paedititrican thought it might be ADHD as he has complained of a fuzzy brain so he's been taking those for a couple of months (still pretty new and he doesn't take them on weekends or school hols which is fine as they are non residual so they just work for the time they're taken and wear off, no lasting effects which helps me feel better that he's even on them). Do they work? He says they help him concentrate but does he really have ADHD? He's not hyperactive in the slightest but she said he's passive. So do the meds work? Yes, they help concentration.
Yeah it's good she wrote a letter but I feel it labels too much and reading it I feel the school would box him. It's ironic because they know there are things askew with him but they've never involved the special needs teachers or anything, they just have the year master involved who I think is over it all so there really aren't any supports in place for him. I'm not even sure who knows he's on the ADHD meds. Some know about his anxiety, some don't. He has terrible self esteem but then gets yelled at. Oh don't get me wrong, he doesn't do himself any favours but the inconsistency from school doesnt help.
Today he was called into the principal and assistant principal's office. Not good! He actually told me about it when he got home (never talks), so I took the opporutnity to listen and not judge otherwise I would have lost him agian. He said the anxiety made him feel like he was going to have a heart attack and I acknowledged how it made him feel and how hard it would be to sit and wait without even knowing what it was about. Tomorrow he has refused to go to school. Said it's all too much. Just hard because I go to work tomorrow. I tried to sway him saying that if he was not going to school tomorrow that he should talk to someone. he said who? I for a moment thought I stood a chance! I should have said who do you think would work but I wasn't fast enough to think of that and said, Kid's help line or beyond blue but he tells me how much he doesn't trust it and he doesn't want to. I told him to block his phone number and use a fake name but he refused. The positive here is that we had a bit of a conversation. I told him that I'm talking to someone and it helps me and that there's no shame in doing so and no one needs to know but it's all to no avail. I will just keep chipping away.
You said your son is staying at a mates. Do his mates go to school?
I keep trying to tell myself we will all come out of the other end of this but sometimes that grey cloud gets in the way when I see there's bad people in the world and scared that it could be my son but then I remind myself that we are providing love, a listening ear, and support to our boys and hope that that will make a difference. Gotta live in hope!
Again it's one day at a time.
Thanks for always being there and offering your support. Right back at ya! You're doing a great job! xx
10-24-2023 07:49 PM
10-24-2023 09:58 PM
10-25-2023 08:41 AM
10-25-2023 10:18 AM
Wow that whole first paragraph explains our lives so well its identical!
Re the school wanting a meeting I dont think its a good meeting to be honest its with the Head of Year 9 and the Principle.
Im pretty sure its to advise us that my son can no longer go. He hasnt been for many weeks now and I feel they have had enough.
I think thats why I cant bring myself to go.
Hypnotherapy is just something I was trying to try and help with my anxiety but im not sure it works , its very weird.
We too have tried to communicate options with our son re school or alternatives but he just tells us to get out so you cant even finish a conversation.
My husband called the Youth Disengagement Service today and left a message to see if they can help.
Sadly I have had a setback im not in a good place I wake up so early and cant stop dry retching. My husband now is also waking up with aniexty. I feel like we are falling apart again and im scared.
My husband went up to my sons room this morning and said good morning are you going to school he grunted no. I have a cleaner who comes here once a fortnight and she is due today and my sons room is a disgrace. Last time I just told her to leave his room but this time I thought no. I pay for her to come and he needs to get up and sit in another room until his room is cleaned. Anyway after many mumbling back and fourth he finally got up and out of his room.
I asked if he wanted any food he said no im going out (8.30am) I said where are you going he said to the local shop centre and I said who with he said a mate. I said to him we really need to talk about what is happening he just looked at me. I couldnt help it but I was so anxious I told a white lie and said well your dad and I are probably going to court. He said you're not going to court and I said well they have called the department of education on us. He just looked at me and then started to walk off and I just said whatever.
I know thats not the truth but im fearful that is what is going to happen after the school meeting Monday afternoon anyway.
Then about 5 min later my son text me saying I'll go to school tomorrow. I must admit I didnt expect that but he also has said that numerous times before too.
I replied to him and said thanks that would be great even if its only a half day. He text back ok. I know that sounds great but we have been down this road so many times I have lost count.
Im so glad your son went to school, thats fantastic it really is. It sounds like today will be a good day for you and im so happy for you because you deserve it. It looks like he is trying to make an effort which is great .
Hope today is a great day for you and im thinking of you x
PS Yes I feel for our hubbies and anyone living in hell like this its just so sad xx
10-25-2023 07:24 PM
10-25-2023 08:17 PM
10-25-2023 09:24 PM
10-26-2023 06:11 PM
How are you today? How did the day go? Been thinking of you. Hope you are ok?
I got another call from my son's school today. He attended today but as mentioned he was called into the principal and deputy's office on Monday. They called me 'today' to tell me about it because they'd been too busy to call me earlier. I get school's are a busy place and they explained the situation and said he's not in trouble but he was told he needs to be conscious of his behaviour.
The anxiety it's causing him and now causing me, makes me wonder how long he'll still keep going. I sadly feel it's only a matter of time.
Almost the weekend. Everyone's favourite time but my dreaded time, when he heads out to who knows where, doing who knows what and comes home at who knows when. I dread weekends.
Ready to curl up into a ball but off to run errands tonight.
Take care. xx
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