I cant see it lol   ... View more

Im on   ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72  All ok here at the moment but thats because he is still in bed lol His mate stayed last night . My hubby picked them up just before 9pm as it was late night shopping. The rudeness is bad my hubby and I just cant believe it at times but we are just going to continue telling hm to stop speaking like that and wont give him what he wants like a lift or anything until he speaks nicely. How is it at your end? Did he come home last night? How is he buying things at liquor land does he have a fake id? I hope you and hubby get to do something nice this weekend to try and take your minds of it a bit xx ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72  Dont worry about not messaging I figured you have alot going on and I totally understand. I also understand its too hard to share on here as its so public. Im so happy to hear he is actually talking to your thats great and is for sure a positive so you need to take that. Its also fantastic that you have worked out one of his triggers this is surely going to help you moving forward.   We are ok here just juggling the moods the rudeness but at least the school part is over for now so thats something. I hope you are ok and I wish we could chat off here as it would be helpful im sure. Thinking of you and hope the weekend goes ok xx   ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72    Just checking in to see if you are all ok ?   Thinking of you x ... View more

Hello I understand the disconnect as im the same and to be honest i seemed to be able to cope with it alot better as soon as i did. Its good at least he is talking even a little bit to your hubby. Our son did that too talk to one and not the other. Im glad your eating and sleeping better as well as coping better at work. I feel thats a positive and you are right you cant do anymore than you are doing. I think we both had to learn to let go of what we had hoped our sons would be like. I know i did and it was the most difficult thing i have ever done and the saddest. Even harder when you see other families. Things are a bit better here baby steps for sure. My son asked if 2 of his friends could come around ( girls) i said yes just no food upstairs and the door stays open. I was in the study when they got here he brought them in to say they were here and they were very polite. Again another positive. Im getting a bit of conversation some please and thank yous as well and if he forgets i try and prompt him saying please until he mumbles it lol He is only 15 so i know we still have a long way to go so im just playing it as it comes at the moment. I am very much aware that things can go bad again as soon as something doesnt go his way. He just really struggles handling his emotions. Please never worry if you think your being negative im sure alot of my previous posts have been and lets face it we need each other to vent so vent anytime xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72 How are you going? We are ok here. Things havent been too bad actually I think getting into that school has helped but again only time will tell. My son still isnt going back to the old school as I think he feels its not necessary now he is in the one he wanted next year. We still keep trying to get him to go but it's not working . At least there are no fights over it now which is great. Communication is ok still a long way to go but better than before which is awesome. Dont get me wrong there are still outbursts when things dont go his way but its not as bad right now. Ima almost too scare to write this because as soon as I do I fear it may change lol   How are things at your end? Did you sn come home on time sunday night? Is he going to school?  I hope things are better for you xxx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72 no wonder your exhausted you have tried everything. I wish i had some insight for you but i dont. I think you and your hubby are doing an amazing job and homestly i dont think you can do any more than what you are doing. You are constantly letting him know how much you love and care for him and thats all you can do as you can ot control what he does. My hubby said its like we are a hotel and our son is a guest , coming and going when he feels like it. I havent seen him yet as he is not home. He stayed home last night and had a mate stay. I will start texting him shortly about coming home. I wish we could blink and these teenage years were over Im thinking of you and hope you are ok xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72 Thanks it's been a hard weekend emotionally. I just got back home now but feel I am only just starting to grieve as its very final now. Oh wow you have def had a crap weekend. Im so sorry he is being so difficult. It's almost impossible to do anymore than what you are doing.  What do you think would happen if you just left him do you think he would notice that you're not trying  as much and maybe care that you're not? Im not sure but maybe sometimes he takes everything out one you because you are so caring but I have no clue either as we have days like that too. You both need to take care of each other. He will do what he wants anyway regardless of how hard you try.It sounds like he really thinks you are trying to control him and he is pushing back hard but thats not the case you are just concerned where he is and that he is ok. It's so sad that we live like this as it's easily fixed. If he talked to you maybe you could both agree on a time to come home maybe that way he would be more likely to stick to it but again if he wont talk then its almost impossible. Have you ever been able to talk to him long enough to ask him what he expects of you both as parents? Im sure he wouldnt want you to give up on him deep down even though he makes out like he wants to be left alone. I wish they knew that they have many years ahead of them to make decisions like that but unfortunately at this age they think they know everything. I know how hard it is and I wish I could change things xxx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72  Thank you I’m heartbroken but I’m glad he is now at peace in one of his favourite places. It’s was beautiful xx How are you going ? I know weekends are hard so I hope your ok xx ... View more

@Sunshine72 Thank you xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72   Yes I have no clue what triggers them and the fact they speak so horribly to us it’s just crazy.   They have accepted him which is great so fingers crossed he goes next year.  It’s a huge relief that he is enrolled as legally he has to be   I know e won’t go back next well the old school but there is not much more I can do about that. I’m so sorry your son to detention it’s awful when you see the school phone number come up.   I am actually  on a plane again as heading down for the scattering of my brothers ashes. It’s only a quick trip back home Sunday lunch..   I hope the weekend isn’t too bad for both of us . I really wish things were different for us as it’s rough dealing with our kids like this.   Thinking of you xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72  Well after a hissy fit over having no socks he went to the interview. Thank goodness. I have no idea how it went but then they got home and now he is having a fit saying he isnt going anywhere all because his dad didnt take him straight after to buy socks. He didnt even ask his day just came bursting in slamming door and screaming. Anyway he is screaming up in his bedroom so I am leaving him alone to calm down. I just dont understand how he can go from zero to 100 so quickly Im like you I feel for my sons future employer and even the school if he ever goes because how on earth are they meant to deal with that. Hope your day is going ok xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72 Sadly after everything feeling numb is probably normal and needed for your sanity Things here same really no school again but the interview for the school he said he wanted is tomorrow at 9am. I dont know how we will get him there that early but we will see. I have been giving him a bit of money just to keep the peace to get him to go But if he doesnt go then thats it. Im trying not to think about it to be honest cause its just stressful but if he doesnt go then he will get a job because he will have NO money from us. Is your son still talking to your hubby? Hopefully he doesnt come home too late tonight Thinking of you x ... View more

@Sunshine72  Thats a shame he didnt say hi to you , I dont think they realise just a simple hello means alot as a mum. I realised the time diff as school isnt out here yet but hey my son isnt going anyway lol ... View more

@Sunshine72  hahahaha at this rate we are going to be the ones advising people in the future lol Im glad your still going to do Xmas its important. If things go pear shape here hubby will go down for a week to see his parents then I will go the next week when he gets back. Hubby and son will have xmas day together  My son has gone to his girlfriends today as it's her birthday. Still cant wrap my head around him going off and not going to school oh well I should be used to it by now . Hoping your night goes well x ... View more

@Sunshine72 wow I couldnt have written that better. You are spot on with everything you have written. I understand exactly what you both are going thru as our situation is very similar. I agree we need to start trying to get on with our lives instead of being held hostage by our boys. ( thats what it feels like) We are meant to be going down to see family for xmas so still not sure what will happen there . As you said going away is really not an option because you cannot drag them on a plane. If worse case we will flip flop which will Mena xmas day we will be seperate but I cannot cancel as this will be the last xmas with my mum. I want you to know that everything that you are doing is right it really is. You are amazing at keeping your cool and the steps you are both taking are correct. We just have to hope for both of us that they eventually come around even a bit so that living in this situation is easier for everyone xx I too appreciate the connection we have made . Im sure there will be people who read this and think we are nuts but im sure there are also people who understand what we are going thru too xx ... View more

@Sunshine72 on a positive note thats sounds like the best communication you have had with him of late? It's interesting that they say they dont want to live there but yet dont want to leave . They clearly want to whatever they want which is ok once your 18. Its good he is still looking at the apprentaship thats very positive. You are so good with him still telling him you care and so much patience I take my hat off to you. You are doing a great job. Sadly I cannot see positives at the moment. I know you think going to the gym is but after telling my hubby to bleep off yesterday morning its just hard to see them. He also told my hubby that he has dropped out of school and do not dare talk to him about it. Anyway we did receive an email from the school that he has kept saying he wants to get in and we have jumped thru hoops to actually get him an interview but of course he wont go. So we are done.  We are resigning ourselves to the fact that he is a year 9 drop out and it's going to be up to him to get a job. We cannot keep living like this every day hoping that he will go then getting abused if we try and get him up. This is making our lives a living hell and our anxiety worse its no way to live and we are not doing it anymore. It's on him now sadly we have tried every avenue to help him and it's only affecting him in the long run but we just are too mentally exhausted to keep trying. My hubby and I will chat about it and work out a time fame and if he hasnt got a job by then then I will be reducing his phone plan which will def have an effect on him for sure. So for now we will stick with our original plan of no money which is going to be interesting as school hols are just around the corner. He needs to get that this is his choice not ours. Fun times ahead . I just dont know how much more of this I can put up with to be honest x   ... View more

@Sunshine72 im so sorry this happened. Reading your post i can hear your both getting to the point of giving up which i must say my hubby and i are already there. You post sounds like our house mostly. I can totally understand you shouting back you are human after all and have been pushed to your limits. I get it i really do I wish i could give you a hug so ill give you a virtual one instead x My hubby called my son on his way home from work to see if he needed a lift. His call was ignored but instead he got a text saying yes? My hubby text back asking if he needed to be picked up he said no he was getting the bus soon. He got home at 6.45 pm went straight upstairs. Came down ate dinner didnt speak a word. He then came down to ask hubby re going to the gym. They are there now. Like you we too have had enough. We are sick of being held hostage and emotionally and verbally abused. Its not how you should live no one should. We too have talked and as soon as he is 18 if things continue like then he can leave. I know that sounds so harsh but this is something that has been going on for a while and it is destroying us both. I hope tomorrow is a better day for us all x ... View more

@Sunshine72 yes i agree and as soon as i went out to the shops he test he was going out. I asked where are you going and got nothing Just cant get thru its crazy ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72  no he just said its too early when my hubby went up then I have been up numerous times. Says I'll go but I want you to pick me up early. I said no as its already nearly 10.30 he hasnt even showered or anything as im not going to drop him off late just to turn around and go straight back to pick him up. Its because he hasnt dont the work but thats on him not me so he can live with his choice im sick of the arguments and having too sit around all day cancel whatever plans I have just to take him and pick him up when he feels like it. Im so glad your son went today thats great x ... View more

@Sunshine72  How are you today? Was last night ok? As er normal my son didnt go to school today. I knew it wouldn't last. I gave him money for the week for school so I told him today he needs to give it back says he doesnt have it. So I promptly said ok well thats the last cent you get from me as you said you would go to school. Im not arguing with him its his choice and he can live with it later. Hope your day is better than mine x ... View more

@Sunshine72  I can only imagine how it must feel knowing he is doing the graffiti it must be difficult. I agree you might need to not think about it as it will just make you feel worse. You cannot stop him hopefully he just gets tired off it . It's so hard when we dont know where they are or what they are doing. This age is insane and so very hard to navigate but you are doing a good job. He is still coming home still going to school even though he isnt doing all the work at least he is showing up. He is holding down a job and now open to the idea of work experience which is great . Is he at a public school because I dont think they can fail him if he is .There are alot of kids out there that dont go home so we are lucky in that respect. But I hear you the disrespect is hurtful and it's because we care. My son is happy right now but I have seen this before until the slightest thing doesnt go his way then he falls back but right now im taking it . Its going to be a long road ahead for both of us xx ... View more

@Sunshine72  yay thats awesome at least he is keen to do the work experience and what a good idea from the school too. My sons room wasnt tidy either when he went to school but as you said id rather tidy his room then have him not go to school so you are right pick our battles.   Its such a big positive that he still goes to school has a job and now is thinking about the work experience option thats so good. Im sitting here listening to the chaos ( noise) upstairs  and they have left the door open yay but as long as they are happy im good xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine I was just coming on to see how your day was how funny we are in sync.   Good here today my son went to school late but he went . He messaged me asking if he had to sit the exam as he hasnt learnt any of it due to not going and I said just give it a go . He wasnt keen as didnt want to get a bad grade which is odd as he didnt care before. Anyway my hubby called the school and they said tell him to try because its his attendance that is the biggest issue. So as far as I know he did it. He then asked if a few friends could come over and I said yes who he mentioned 1 boy and 3 girls . He said dont worry it's not my girlfriend I need to get them to help me with something important. I said ok just make sure your room is tidy and the door stays open. He then came down and said they are nearly here and I said ok he then told me he needs help breaking up with his girlfriend . I said is everything ok he said yes just sick of the lies she has told. I didnt press it I just said well if you need any advice im always here and im a girl and I said thats a shame but there are plenty more girls out there and he says yes I have my eye on one already. I just laughed. Thats the most communication we have had in ages. Anyway the mate showed up and we know him then the 3 girls came in and my son introduced them and they all seemed nice. Im taking today as a huge win. Im not sure he will still keep going to school but this is better than what we have had so im very happy. How are things at your end? Did your son go to school today? Did you have to work today? I have been thinking about you all day hoping your feeling better than the weekend xx ... View more

@Sunshine72 please dont apologise thats what we are here for to support each other so vent away. I know we get told they come back eventually and i must admit i get a bit sick of hearing that as its hard to believe when your in the thick of it. I also know that it has def affected our marriage even though we try so hard not to let it it has a bit but hopefully we can ride it out. I too think my sons mental health is not great and i worry about that so i just keep trying to remember that when i get extremely frustrated or annoyed. I too fear what if he goes the wrong way and things get worse but im learning to allow those thoughts as pushing them away is like trying to push a beach ball under water it just comes back twice as hard. Anxiety i believe is what causes those thoughts but thats just my opinion. Its extremely draining i agree and i wish we and others weren't going thru this xx I hope tomorrow is a better day for you xx ... View more

@Sunshine72 im reading this and it breaks my heart as i can hear and feel the sadness in your post. Im so sorry you both are going thru this too xx You do alot for your son with making lunches setting his clothes out making sure everything has charge and washing washing washing , i get it if they only knew just a simple thanks would be life changing. So ill say thanks for all you do for him and i believe deep down he does appreciate it. Alot of parents would have given up by now but you havent and that is such a credit to you and just proves what a terrific mum you are. You show up for him every day you are amazing !! Parenting i believe is one of the hardest jobs around. My hubby and i went for a walk this morning and ran into some old friends of mine who were up here for the weekend. Well the stories they told me about their son at our sons age sounded so very similar and he is now doing well, that has to give us hope. Our son didnt get home till around 9pm last night I was hoping he would be back earlier but he replied to us each time we messaged. He went out again today asked saying please to get a lift and said thanks which was great. He called at 5 pm tonight to see if we could pick him up which he did. He didnt seem to be too happy so not sure what transpired today. It could be because school tom or maybe an argument with his girlfriend not sure. He spoke when we talked to him but didnt seem happy. He went straight up to his room came down ate dinner with us then straight back up so not sure what is going on and im not going to push it will just see what happens tom. Are you and your hubby going out on the weekends ? Even just for a walk or lunch? I know its not easy as this is so consuming but i feel we need to get our lives back a bit i think it helps. Im thinking of you and im worried because you sound down and i know what thats like Its not a nice place to be. But remember you are an amazing mum. You are not alone, im here and you can vent anytime xx ... View more

@Sunshine72  yes you need to rest otherwise you will get sick again. Im sorry he didnt say where he was going today but the fact he has left early and without a charge id say he will be home and maybe earlier than last night. I know what you mean re social media I find that when im not in a good spot I dont go on it its too depressing. Re my son he rang me and said he was on his way home. He has been home and showered and asked if I could drop him off at the shops. He also said hey mum do you think that maybe after school one day we could get some new clothes? I must admit I was a little shocked so maybe its slowly sinking in but I dont want to moss it just yet we will see. I hope you get some rest and your son comes home earlier . Im thinking of you xx ... View more

@Sunshine72  Thats def a long night but its good he is coming home because im sure there are other parents out there where the kids arent. I bet you had a headache with all the worry. I know what you mean re turning 18 my hubby and I say that too that we will get our lives back then but lets face it maybe not. I hope you can take it easy today and get some rest to make up for last night. You need to look after yourself because you are only just recovering from being sick and dont want to go backwards. Hope tonight is better xx ... View more