@Sandee
It's understandable you are heartbroken. So tough to go through. May your brother rest in peace. I hope you do find comfort in that you were able to lay him to rest at one of his favourite places. My heart goes out to you. It really puts a lot of things into perspective. xx
How's your hubby at home with your son? Hope the weekend has been ok?
I'm really sad to say that the weekend has been absolutely terrible. Friday night he waltzed in before 1am and then left Sat am. Refused to acknowledge, talk or text with me. There's been some communication with hubby (until this morning Sun). Yesterday my husband called him and he answered the phone on the third attempt with 'what' My hubby explained that he had not seen him in the morning and was ringing to say good morning and check in. He said I'm find and hung up.
In the evening my husband sent one simple text to ask, "what time will you be home. You were out late yesterday, so please be home by 10pm." His response was multiple insulting one line texts.
-
Leave me alone.
I'm out.
I'll do what I want and be home when I want.
I don't want to be having these bulls*** conversations
I'll be home later
Leave me alone
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We left it a couple of hours and then wrote; We expect you home by 10pm. No reply. He came home at 11pm and got up this morning. My husband tried talking to him about a home time today with school tomorrow and then said, we love and care for you and that was his trigger. He yelled, 'that's the reason I don't talk to mum' He lost his s***, stormed off, slammed the door and walked out.
So he's not talking to me because I love and care for him!
My hubby was rather upset (and angry) afterwards. We are so sad to say that he currently brings absolutely nothing to the family. No communication, no respect for anyone, no care factor, does nothing at home or school, his room is a rubbish tip full of clothes, food wrappers, rubbish, cups, bottles, plates, shoes and just stuff! It's disgraceful. Like I've said before, if he wasn't our son we wouldn't put up it. I am embarrassed that we do put up it but we just don't know what else there is. We can let him know our expectations which he doesn't follow anyway. We can't move his mouth to make him communicate, we can't drag him across the floor and force his hand to pick up his room. We can't do his school work for him. I'm looking for what can we do. We can keep trying to communicate calmly with him (not working!) we can be there for him (we are and it's not helping), we can say you're no longer welcome here (and what send him onto the streets at 16). If we say follow the rules or you're out, yes he has the choice but if he doesn't follow the rules it's the same as sending him onto the streets. I know he'll go.
I try to find the positives in him. I really do. It's disturbing that I can't find them. I try to address the behaviour and not attack him. No matter what tact we try we hit roadblocks and rebellion each time. Try to get his point of view and it's just met with hostility and him verbally abusing us. His behaviour is nothing short of disgraceful (and illegal) and come 18, the conversation will be had. Follow the house rules of respect otherwise he is no longer welcome and needs to find his own place. He will always be welcome back at any point that he chooses to follow the rules but the question is whether WE will last the next 2 years until then?
Such a sad situation that I feel is totally avoidable. Life could be so good. We don't ask for a lot but clearly that's too much for him. I have to question whether there is still a good person in there that once was? I fear for his future and those he encounters if this behaviour continues. What a sad state of affairs.
