@Sandee,
Well our evening went from bad to worse. It was Time for a lift to work and I mistakenly said I am coming to get your plate and washing before we leave so please pick up your clothes. (I’d been asking since the weekend!!) I knocked and went in and took the plate and said could you please pick up your clothes and give me your washing. He said he had none. I said these are dirty. His response was, No they’re not,and he started shouting in an angry voice, get out, leave! I stood there and he began shouting more . I don’t shout and know nothing good comes from it but I broke.
I shouted!
I shouted back, Don’t speak to me in that way.
His response was ‘stop shouting, you started this by shouting at me’
I replied ‘you shouted and I shouted back’ and he continued to shout so I left. So much for choosing my battles hey!
In the next few minutes he came out of his room to get a lift to work and said, we need to go.
I said when you speak nicely to me.
He said why should I.
I asked, why do you think you should speak nicely and I got, ‘i don’t know’
I said when you know I’ll give you a lift. He said, ‘cause you make me’
i responded with that’s not why we should talk nicely.
He said are you driving me or not. I really didn’t want to but it’s not the right thing to do in the heat of the moment, so I took him. He refused to speak the whole way and I tried talking to him. I even said you always say you’re not a kid but this is not how adults act. He got out at work and I said bye and he just slammed the door and left.
I drove home and my husband had returned home by now and I told him what happened. He was so angry. I think he has reached his threshold and I have to be honest that I am almost at that point hence the reason I probably pushed the pick up your clothes.
So all this over picking up some clothes. Sounds beyond ridiculous.
Anyway my husband was sooooooo angry that he vented all his anger about our sons behaviour and choices, and sadly we are struggling to find any positives about him. He hates us, he spends zero time with us. He doesn’t speak with us. He breaks any rule we negotiate with him. He lies. he breaks the law. He doesn’t wash. If he wasn’t our flesh and blood we wouldn’t accept any of this.
So hubby and I started to have a disagreement talking about this, purely out of sheer anger and frustration which made us both upset. We’ve since come together but I’m not okay that our son’s behaviour creates tension with us. We are back on a united front but these horrible feelings we have to endure are not okay. We’d like to find a positive of what joy, what positivity he brings, what we can be proud of? We don’t expect much but it’s devastating for us that we sadly can’t find a thing to be proud of. It hurts! We offer every support but we are shut down at every turn. everything is one way. We are at our wits end.
We’ll keep keeping on but once he turns 18 I’m afraid that we will not accept any of this treatment or behaviour. We will no longer be responsible for his choices. The door will always be open for him to come home but only if ‘our’ rules are adhered to. this treatment of us and disregard for everything will no longer be tolerated!
We’ll be the parents, the better people offering support and helping him until 18,but that’s it!! Now to last for 2 more years!!
I hope your night is better than ours. xx
