Having struggles with my 13yr old daughter

[Powell-Karen]

We can only assume the reasons until she speaks out what her real problem is. Are you sure that she is not into a substance abuse or something like that? I'm sorry to say this, but it could be a reason.  It's not unusual to say that a  teen’s behavior seemed to change overnight because of drug and/or alcohol use.

Bullying or abuse can be a reason too. She might be feeling embarrassed and may be that's why she is not opening up to you. 

I think you should take her to a  therapist. Find someone who has experience in dealing with teenagers. 

[Moloko]

Sorry but I can 100% say its not substance abuse. Her behaviour has changed over the last yr or so not over night...she had gotten increasingly more angry and moody......we put it down to hormones but had no idea the troubles she was having at school....She is a very strong willed young person who likes to have the last word and can win awards for her arguing and challenges us at every turn....in saying that she is also very bright and caring girl when she wants to be...I think the school change has been a very positive one and we have seen how much happier she is and her new friends are a really nice bunch of kids....she just now needs to learn how to manage her words and filter.....which we have to try and help her with.

[Powell-Karen]

That's actually a relief to know about . We can hope for happy ending. She will be in my prayers.

[Moloko]

@ taokat
We are making some great progress...but the backchat, having to have the last word and general disrespectful replies are still a problem....do you have any tips on how to handle this? It drives me insane some days.

[Beingme2017]

hi @Moloko

Great to hear things are moving in the right direction - your daughter must be feeling better in herself which is wonderful - and of course the flow on of that is that you are able to engage with her with more positive outcomes

She sounds quite similar to my girl who is 16. I think a lot of your daughter's qualities will hold her in good stead as an adult in this world - its just how do we manage and temper it as her parents?

I have found that when my daughter wants to do something and I am not allowing her -  that I have lately been saying  - I know you think I am being unfair but I have made my decision. And then I try and give her a couple of alternatives so that I am not just closing the door. This seems to make her feel like I am at least considering her feelings and trying to make things work by meeting in the middle.

[Moloko]

@ Beingme2017

Thanks for the great advice... yes great qualities to have but yes agree they need to be tempered. Peace of mind is that she is really well behaved at other peoples places and has lovely manners....I will try your advice though. Its great to have someone who gets the strong willed child😁
I have also said if she wants to go out and do things after school and on weekends that it is dependant on her behaviour towards us leading up. Will see how that goes 😁

[Beingme2017]

@Moloko yep - sure sign we are doing a good job is how they are with OTHER people and at OTHER peoples places

Yes im always keen to find new ways to handle the outbursts and arguments. I have a 13 year old boy who is a genius at deflection and debating. He can turn any conversation about something HE didn't do into something I did wrong!!! 

We can help each other stay sane

[Moloko]

@ Beingme2017

Thats so my daughter....I pull her up on things and she turns it into something I did wrong😂
We can def keep each other sane and share what works and what doesnt...thats how we learn as parents.
My son is quite different to my daughter...he tries to push the boundaries but cant follow through. He does try to copy his sister. I must admit since the school change their relationship is so much better....she is happier therefore the whole house is happier😁 I am proud that no matter what they have each others back.
Im here if you ever need to vent or bounce ideas too i so appreciate your support and understanding.

[Beingme2017]

@Moloko thankyou so much - it really does help just to have other people who understand to share with.

How old is your son? Its great that the relationship between them has improved also. Its so heart warming to see your siblings be there for each other

[Moloko]

@Beingme2017

My son is 10. Im so pleased that they are getting on better...and yes it melts my heart when they are being lovely to each other. We have always tried to raise them to be there for each other.