Hello TW: Self-Harm

[ERCAAL]

Hi I have 4 children 20, 17, 16 and 15.
In order of Girl boy girl boy !
My eldest (past- I mean in 12, 14 and 15 years old she engaged in self-harm) and now my youngest is self-harming.
I have him professional help, but 4 weeks in I don’t know anything or had any feedback how we can help.
I am using my previous experience with our eldest and I am way calmer and less dramatic, however feeling in the dark and there is no communication from anyone to us as parents- I now what’s the “why” is not the most important but help how to support is very much needed and nothing is being communicated by the doctor, school counsellor or psychologist to us. Nothing is changing , my son is a non communicator since forever, he refuses to go to training or games in his chosen sport.
I am self reasoning on his why reasons; he is still self-harming?, still not interested in life? or being bullied ? Depressed?
I’m Feeling clueless and useless.
How do we help at home whilst he receives help and confidentiality?

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @ERCAAL 

Good on you for reaching out for some support around this issue, self-harm can be a really tough issue for parents and you're definitely not alone 

It's lovely you have been able to use your previous experience to help manage how you're feeling around your sons self-harm, and its great you've been able to get him into see some professional help. It can definitely take some time to see how professional help is helping, does he have a good relationship with his school counsellor and psychologist?

That is sad to hear he has isn't attending his regular sport activities, has he spoken about why this is? Is it just sport he has stopped engaging in or have you noticed he seems less engaged in other areas of his life too like school and friendships?

We have some great content on self-harm that you might want to have a look at. There are so many different reasons why people self-harm, and your son might not be ready to talk about this yet, or he might even still be figuring out why he's doing it. In terms of helping at home, it sounds like you're doing a great job of letting him know he can talk to you when/if he's ready but you're not pressuring him to open up if he doesn't want to. It can also be nice to ensure that you still do nice fun things together and that the self-harm isn't the focus of all your conversations, are there fun activities you like to do as a family?

I'm wondering as well if your older daughter might have any insights to share with you or if perhaps your son might benefit from having a chat with her? I wouldn't speak to her about what your son is experiencing without his permission, but it could be worth seeing if he wants to share what he's going through with her.

I hope this is helpful, let us know how you go