10-28-2016 08:45 PM
10-29-2016 12:29 AM
Hello #Polhon, Welcome and thank you for contacting us. Looks like you have really been through a lot of the last 6 years. It must be so difficult for you, I could not imagine the heartache you are feeling right now. I cannot give you advice, however maybe we can see what can be put into place to help you both. It's good to know your daughter wants to reconnect with you, you have all rights to put her first afterall she is your child. But do you really want to end your relationship?
Have you ever tried family counselling, there are quite a few affordable agencies out there which may be able to help you. Relationships Australia, www.relationships.org.au, they will put you in touch with your closest therapists, there is also Unifam https://uniting.org/our-services/counselling-and-mediation, who do counselling and Mediation or your local GP may have some contacts. It looks like you have been involved with Mental Health Supporters, however you still can call Lifeline and/Headspace, they can refer you to specialised therapists?
Will your partner be open to going along to counselling and/or mediation? You may find you will be able to set boundaries in place to keep things on track. It really looks like your daughter wants to make amends for the past. It could be worth a discussion with your partner. They are probably worried about things going wrong again.
I hope this helps you. We are all here to help you.
10-29-2016 09:32 AM
10-29-2016 12:07 PM
You are in such a difficult position, where two people in your life whom you love and care about so much are in conflict. And the hardest thing is you are stuck in the middle and you cannot make either one do anything, it's up to them. My suggestion would be for you and your daughter to still seek family therapy and you individual, so many wounds need to be healed, it will have to start with the two of you, after all you are mother and daughter. Once your partner starts to see a change it may be possible, and I only mean possible, he will notice a change. He has been hurt, he probably also feels rejected and and betrayed, for he would feel like he took on a father figure and he was hurt. He's more than likely grieving. I totally get your reasoning concerning the adult v's child analogy, most people see it differently. I have experienced this first hand with my extended family, with my 18 year old niece and her mother and defacto step father. Making sure they both understand you are not taking sides, you just want your family back together is important. This is where Family and Individual counselling can help (starting with you). I wish I could say it's all going to be ok and there is a miracle quick fix button, but there's not.
I ask, what support structures have you got in place for you at this time? Family? Friends?
When you were going throught the mental health sector, was your daughter given a diagnosis?
10-31-2016 02:26 PM
Hi @Polhon. These are not easy decisions to make and I imagine they are putting a lot of strain on your family relationships. How are you coping with the stress? You mentioned you have a psychologist, have you been able to talk through some of it with them? We have a couple of resources about managing family conflicts here, but I agree that some professional support wouldn't be a bad idea. Especially if your daughter does have issues with emotional regulation and possibly bpd.
Will you keep us posted on how you progress?
10-31-2016 10:23 PM
11-01-2016 01:35 PM
Just make sure that you take good care of yourself and build up your own energy so that you can share it with your loved ones!
11-03-2016 03:40 PM
Between the differing emotions and needs for the three of you, it has clearly been a difficult time for your family. You mentioned your daughter was having trouble in school last year and then also had issues living with her cousin. When did she begin seeing a psychiatrist and do you think this has been helpful for her?
This is really tough on everyone and it sounds a little like how @messylife feels having to choose between a child and a partner, although at a different age. It can't be an easy situation and I wonder, messylife, if you have any insights for how your son has been managing (at home and school) since he engaged with a therapist?