@hippychick They sound like encouraging signs for open communication. I have a friend that does a lot of work in empathy and mapping out feelings, and she often talks about open questions. So instead of her and her partner asking 'how was your day?', they ask something like 'what made you come alive today?'. I've always found it interesting and it reminds me of the discussion we had about 'pits and cherries'. If you're interested to have more discussions about how your son is feeling, maybe you could try this? ... View more

Wow, such mature boundaries and responses! You must be very happy @seaglecc. Pat yourself on the back and come up with a plan for the grandparents later ... View more

@jdbza Sorry to hear this is the second time your sister has had breast cancer, and regardless of knowing about the first time or not, it now falls on your shoulders to tell your niece. It's a lot to bear. When you said 'keeping it from her until we get to NZ and seeing how sick her mum is would be a mistake', it sounds like you've made some tough decisions on how to handle this already. Have you heard back from your sister yet? I hope the information from CanTeen arrives soon and will be thinking of you for your Skype chat. ... View more

@Lizzy Reading your posts it is so clear how hard you are trying and how hard it is for you every day. There is no point telling you not to worry, that will naturally happen, but it is important to focus on the things that you can change and the way in which you can change them. Having time alone, at work or home, can certainly lead to ruminating but I'd encourage you to take the time to look after yourself and your own mental wellbeing. You're already supporting your daughter and letting her know you're there for her. I commend you also on your decision to stop 'snooping, assuming and prying'. This must have been a hard decision for you, but your daughter will notice the difference in your new approach of listening, observing and giving her space. No doubt it will feel hard to stick to this new approach at times but rest assured you can create that environment of trust and openness. There's some helpful tips on creating and negotiating boundaries with your teen in this article. I hope you find it useful and wish you well. ... View more

That is very challenging @Tootsjac, and I'm sure must seem hurtful. Would your husband consider raising these concerns with your son?   @Mumofthree @ziggystarmum @Rehab @mum_of_four @mumlittlehelper Do you have any communication tips you could share from your experience? ... View more

Welcome @jdbza. This must be a really challenging situation for you. Between your sister's ill health and protecting your niece, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.   @Sophie-RO has already given you some great resources and I hope it helps you. Telling family, and especially children, about a cancer diagnosis is never easy, something I have learnt in my family is that it is best to be honest. We also found having as much information as possible helped with understanding the next steps and minimising feelings of uncertainty. I am sure you will make the best decision for your niece and hope you are also taking care of yourself in this difficult time. ... View more

@readthemanual Great tips! Thanks for sharing. A friend of mine has a 9yo in the same situation with online communities and fan creations, and the skills she has already are mind-blowing. I'm thinking there is something in @goingcrazy's 'new normal'.   @hippychick You said in your first post that your son won't open up and that he doesn't tell you anything is wrong. Is he happy to have conversations about things other than friends and socialising? ... View more

That is a great line for reflection @mumlittlehelper:   "not become emotionally involved in his behaviour"   It's not done to hurt us, it's about how they are hurting, right? Thank you for this reflection moment. ... View more

Hi @Lizzy,   Thanks for sharing your concerns here. This must be a really difficult time for you, as you mentioned, you are concerned about your daughter's judgement while she is distressed but also feel wary about letting her know that. I think trust, and therefore independence, is one of the things that teens prize most. (Certainly, I think it played a part in my youth!) I'm wondering then if this fact sheet might help you?   Absolutely you are doing all the right things, too, by taking her to a GP and supporting her mental health plan. It also sounds like your daughter has also built up some great coping skills to delay self-harm urges. Well done to her for taking those first steps. It takes a lot of strength to start putting those strategies into practice like that. In discussion with her doctor, and maybe for the future, possibly it could be good to help your daughter build the skills to remove the items herself that she would normally use to self-harm? Keep going, Lizzy, you are doing your best.   I hope you don't mind, I also edited references to self-harm methods from your post in line with our community guidelines. ... View more

Hi @Tootsjac,   Welcome! We're glad you've joined us. Ten years is a long time to worry about your child's health and now that he doesn't want to talk this must be especially hard. You said your son's symptoms were both undiagnosed and untreated – is he not willing to talk at all or even to a professional about how he is feeling? Would he be happy to go to a GP to start, do you think?   I'm sure others will have better tips from their experience but I just want to reassure you not to give up hope. You are doing the right thing to try to get help for your son. ... View more

Welcome @Tulips!   Thanks for reaching out to us here. Feeling like you have no support and like your family is falling apart must be very overwhelming. It's clear you are dedicated to your family and supporting their needs, but it is important to focus on your wellbeing, too. I am so sorry you are shouldering such a big weight and feeling so unsupported while doing so. Please know we are here for you. I am also going to say it is ok to be selfish – again, it is ok to put yourself and your wellbeing first. Sometimes modelling behaviour can be the best way to help our loved ones.   @mumlittlehelper Thanks for sharing your tip about changing the way you parented. By putting attention on the positive do you mean that you would focus on the positive things your son did or that you would always be positive with him? I also edited your post to remove diet comments that could be harmful, in line with our community guidelines. I hope you don't mind. We can't provide medical or diet advice but I think you were trying to say that a healthy diet can help support our mental health and wellbeing, and that is definitely the case. In fact, there's some great articles here about that and supporting your teen's mental wellbeing. ... View more

Hi @bstar,   Thanks for joining us here to talk about the concerns you have for your brother. I'd like to preface this post by saying that we can't provide any medical answers or advice here as that would contradict the community guidelines, but it does sounds as if some expert medical advice could be helpful in some of the situations you've described. And as tempting as consulting 'Dr Google' can be, it doesn't deal with the specifics of your family and how your brother feels.   What was clear from your post was the level of concern you have for your brother. Particularly, you are concerned about the health of your brother, given that he is often up late and frequently spends his afternoons and evenings indoors. You also mentioned that he plays touch (football?) and has recently begun working. Do you think your brother finds his gaming habits get in the way of his life and relationships, or vice versa?   You also mentioned that your brother is often arguing with your mum about going to play sport. Sometimes conflict can arise for a number of reasons but could your brother have other reasons for not wanting to participate? Did he used to enjoy playing sport but doesn't any longer?   It sounds like these concerns are causing a lot of frustration, and you are also concerned your mother doesn't have quite the same level of concern to help your brother. Although I do think some level of professional assistance would help, you may also find this article about effective communication with teens to be useful.   Please keep us updated with how your brother is doing, and let us know if those resources have been helpful. ... View more

Oh, I like these points @Mitzi. Thank you for sharing. And I appreciate your recognition of not being the parent you wanted to be due to fatigue. It takes a lot to recognise our mistakes and we should give ourselves permission to be less than perfect in order to make better decisions next time. ... View more

Hi @scooty-dog_, how is your teen managing? It is a safe place to talk here but if you don't feel up to sharing yet, maybe some of the outcomes in this story might help you in yours? If we're off track with our support, please let us know how we can best help you. Hope you're doing well. ... View more

These are excellent plans. Thanks for the tips!   A friend of mine uses an app (possibly Out of Milk?) to co-ordinate grocery shopping. So whoever happens to be swinging past the supermarket (usually after school pick up) can grab whatever is on the list. It's always up to date and everyone has a copy – easy! ... View more

Isolating ... View more

There is a lot going on here @taziness, no wonder it has been so overwhelming. You said your daughter lives away and isn't willing to 'tell her story all over again' with another psychologist but has been maintaining a diary. Has your daughter been using any other positive ways to cope in this past year? You could possibly encourage her to use what is in her diary when talking to someone, especially if she finds it hard to begin talking. This article might help with ideas to model behaviour and reconnect with your daughter. There is also an article on peer pessure that might provide some insights in this case.   Wishing you well! You have some hot topics to navigate but it sounds like you've got a good plan in place. ... View more

Hi @taziness! Love that your kids have a healthy sense of humour – even if it is at the expense of their elders. Them's the breaks huh I can't wait to hear more of your parenting experience.   Also welcoming @suzie, @Braddie, @HellsBells (great name!), and @coastalmum. Hope you'll pop in and tell us about yourself. ... View more

It's a rough day so today I'm grateful for the simple things:   Food Shelter People who care ... View more

In my family, there's a pretty even mix of enjoying sport and taking on too many things. Not something I would change actually... The apple really doesn't fall far. ... View more

That's awesome @waldo_pepper. A willing ear can really change a whole situation. ... View more

Hi to @jdbza, @ryanna, @Arghh, and @Jenko! Please pop by, tell us about yourself and let us know:     1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh? 2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down? 3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today? 4. What's your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years? 5. What's the best thing about weekends? ... View more

Welcome @Polhon!   Between the differing emotions and needs for the three of you, it has clearly been a difficult time for your family. You mentioned your daughter was having trouble in school last year and then also had issues living with her cousin. When did she begin seeing a psychiatrist and do you think this has been helpful for her?   This is really tough on everyone and it sounds a little like how @messylife feels having to choose between a child and a partner, although at a different age. It can't be an easy situation and I wonder, messylife, if you have any insights for how your son has been managing (at home and school) since he engaged with a therapist? ... View more

Today I'm grateful for:   Coffee The freedom to work flexibly Sunshine after the rain ... View more

@LovingThruBlue A recovery day off work is such a good idea, and I expect much needed respite after this latest dip on the rollercoaster.   How is your daughter feeling about the latest advice from the GP/school? And is this from a conversation with the one teacher who knows what's going on? ... View more

Sending a hug your way @Sadie. You're doing the best you can and that's what matters for your family. ... View more

Goodness, my back was positively dripping with sweat! I hope everyone else had a good—and drier—experience. ... View more

That's so true @LovingThruBlue, 'we're all doing the best we can'. It's great that you have been able to recognise what your daughter and your family need now. Thinking of you.     @waldo_pepper Thanks for sharing your son's journey with and after medication. It must have been a really difficult time for your family but you found a way to pull through and keep up communication. Well done you.  You mentioned not being alone despite feeling otherwise – were there any resources in particular that you accessed to help you through? Also, I hope you don't mind but I edited your post to remove specific medication details. ... View more

'we need to be aware of their dress code' – that captures the sentiment perfectly @readthemanual! Thanks for sharing. ... View more

@StHubbins So did you get a swimming pool? I'd be interested to know how you dealt with that, and even how you began the probing that made that discovery! It sounds challenging. ... View more