I just caught my 15 yo son smoking marijuana in his bedroom

[Mumofboys_23]

I walked into my sons room tonight and caught him out smoking marijuana. I was really upset as his bedroom is right next to his younger brother’s bedroom. He knows my views on drug taking as I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I am really worried as my brother smoked marijuana and it had a very detrimental effect on his life. I am scared and not sure what my next step is. 

[Jay-RO]

Hey there @Mumofboys_23 and welcome to ReachOut

I'm sorry to hear that this has happened, it's hard to see someone we love do drugs, especially when you've had bad experiences in the past. It's okay to be scared, it shows that you care about your son to be worried about him. Have you had a chance to speak to your son since you caught him? 

It's hard to know what the next steps may be. I was wondering, do you have other supports such as a counselor, psychologist or trusted friend/family member that you can talk to about all this? It's important to take care of ourselves while we're going through a tough time. What do you think?

[AliciaB]

Hey there...
Like you, I have and had a "dysfunctional " family revolving around drugs and alcohol.
Considering this, and the experience/ experiences I went through, I want my daughter to understand I'm not attacking her as a parent normally would, having the tendencies to react instantly off emotion. Because in my experience that routine didn't help me.
My daughter was recently caught with marijuana at school. Of course first hearing this, I was upset to say the least, but i had to gather myself, to react that way would only warrant a negative response.
You know how difficult it is growing up, let him know that, it only helps to let him know why it is so important to you he avoids choosing marijuana as an outlet of sorts. To have your child's back and be understanding is important to these guys, like myself I felt like no one understands.
All of that being said, of course some kind of"punishment" needs to be enforced, which totally up to you what you think would be appropriate, but don't forget, it's best to make sure your son understands why"this is all taking place", bottom line, you love him.
I hope this helps, I know I feel lousy and like my daughter thinks I'm full of it some times, parenting is rough, and no matter what books are out there, it's all about the experience. Good luck.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @AliciaB and thank you for sharing your experiences- it sounds like you have been through a similar situation with your daughter.

One strategy that really stood out to me in your post is the self reflection and taking a step back before reacting. I can imagine that is not an easy thing to do in the moment, but really helped you manage the conversation of drug use with your daughter.

I also noticed you mentioned considering a consequence, but also ensuring that the teen understands why this consequence is in place. Young people always want to know the “why”.

We would be interested to hear from you @Mumofboys_23 about what your next steps were!