05-27-2018 01:56 PM - edited 05-27-2018 01:56 PM
Okay, coming clean right away so I don't waste anyone's time- I'm not actually a parent. I'm in the 8th grade, but I am very curious on the view of other parents. Difference has always been a topic I enjoyed, HOWEVER, I want to know if all parents do this and if they mean well-
So, I'm a 13 year old girl who is currently just working hard to have my dream job- (Veterinary medicine if you're curious.) I have been planning out my future for myself on a broad scale of time, but my point is that I've been so focused on career and what I wanted to do before getting married per say. (Run a clinic, or at least work at a good one, own certain animals, etc, etc..) And, I am the younger sibling. My brother is 15 years old, but he does not care for school. He plans to be a bum under my parent's roof, and I've noticed a change in their behaviour. They've started to pull the grandparent card.
And I know it's normal for parents to look forward to be grandparents, but I want to say that they've gone too far now. I've never had the best relationship with them, so I've spent a lot of alone time and I've figured most things out (About my body- periods) without their help since we constantly argue and fight. Most of that fight comes because they tell me not to 'act like (big brother)' when I'm upset.
Problem came to mind yesterday when I took a walk around the neighbourhood with them, and they pointed to a house. "Look! We call that (My name)'s house." My mom said. When I asked why, she said- "Because it has a nice view, and it's only a five minute walk from me so you can give me your kids everyday!" Her comment ticked me off.
It's been ticking me off when she said that for the past few years, she constantly said- "No, you can move out when you're married." I've rolled my eyes at that comment, but I took this one seriously- "Fine! Don't worry about it, move out, but just give me your kids, I'll take them. I'll take them everyday then you can have them on sundays." Or stuff like that.
And I'm the type to overthink things, so it scares me, and it scares me for the future. I constantly think about it, and being hot headed I think- "What if she'll just grab them from the yard? What if she gets them to call HER mom? What if spouse is home? What if I want family time? What if spouse's mom is looking after them?" I come from a family where it's your parent's RIGHT to raise grandkids, but I'm VERY ticked. I'm ripping my hair out when she says this, and I've told her multiple times to stop, and how uncomfortable I am, but she tells me not to be sensitive and that she's my mom and nothing's to hide from her. But I want something like this to go my way, and if I object then she cries and says that she robbed my grandma (Her mom, who has unfortunately passed when she was a year or two older than me.) Of the chance to raise me and such.
Do other parents do this? Is this some kind of red flag? Am I overreacting?
Feel free to share your views if you have no advice.
05-27-2018 03:04 PM
Hey @IHE13 I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing a difficult time with your parents at the moment. It can be hard when we want one thing for our lives and our parents seem to want another. At this stage I would suggest perhaps having a chat to a counsellor about how to best navigate this with your parents, as this forum is intended for parents of 12 - 18 year olds, so while parents can give you their perspective, you might also find chatting through frustrations with someone helpful. Have you spoken to a counsellor before?
I'd recommend maybe heading over to our ReachOut Youth based Forum, which you might find helpful as you can get some youth based support and advice. From some of the language you've used in your post (mom, eighth grade), I'm guessing you also might be US based? So just bear in mind that our resources are Australian based, so while we are here to listen and support, our resources may not always cover your location
06-02-2018 12:16 PM
Hi @IHE13, aka Moody Teen,
Parents are just as crazy as teenagers. We've learned how to hide it a little better, maybe.
Personally I think 13 is a little early to start thinking about grandkids. But, I think you are right, you are overthinking it. You will find your relationship changes with your parents as you get older. Probably. If it doesn't, and she tries to take your kids to raise as her own, well there's things you can do about it later. I'm guessing though that you might appreciate someone to help with the kids at that time.
Hope you can work it out Moody Teen
06-08-2018 01:49 AM
Wow. Thank you for posting. I learned something today.
As someone else pointed out, parents can be crazy as teenagers sometimes. We say silly things and most of the time (in my case for sure) we might think the child is not even paying attention. You helped me see that they do and will be more careful from now on.
Your mom loves you and she is expressing her desire to be close to you in the future, she won’t take your kids, she is just telling you how much she will love them.
This time of separation is hard on parents, even though you might not remember many years of your life when you were little, it happened and its vivid to your parents as last week is for you. Parents are people too.
By the way, great job on working on your dream!