I am grateful that I spent time with my family today ... View more

I am glad to hear that you are feeling better. I am thinking and praying for you and your daughter. ... View more

I am obviously an adult, but I tell you that antidepressant was the right thing for me. I took it for 5years and under doctor supervision I weaned it off in the course of 6-8months, lowering the dosage every 2months. The withdrawal was brutal, but lasted 3 days so I did on Thursdays so husband could care for the kids on the weekend.   The medication helped me to get out of bed, care for the kids and have a more relaxed life. I was in a very bad shape when I began and needed help until I was able to do my therapy and couples counseling. My point is, it can help her get over the hump. The right med and dosage is something that the doctor will help work with.    I was very against medication, would rarely take ibuprofen, tried to fix everything with herbs and nutrition. But when I had this chemical imbalance, nothing was sufficient. ... View more

I am not sure if this is of any comfort to you but my 15yo today told me that when she catches me looking at her, it makes her uncomfortable and asked me not to do it anymore. Its like she is allergic to me and I do everything I can to show her my love. She does act sweet when she wants something. The deal I made with her its that she doesn’t need to love me, but to treat me like when she wants something, which it proves she can be respectful is she choses. Hormones can be very intense for girls at this age and they get so irritatable.   I didn’t understand the last part where she was picked up from school and where exactly she is right now. If her dad is making her mental health worse, maybe the court can make his visits less often until she is better? Hopefully someone of this board can help you     ... View more

Hello @TiVo01   My daughter told me something similar (15yo) a few months ago. She never had a relationship with neither boy or girl though. I talked to my therapist and she said that recently, among young people, this question about non traditional sexual attractions has become almost like a “trend”, even among teens that are not sexually active. In my case, I will wait and see.   My daughter told me that she sees girls on tv and she things they are very attractive, I told her that this is not the same as being a homosexual. I have many women that I would watch a tv show just because I love how they look. She looked at me funny and said “maybe you are bi mom”.    In my case, I am letting it be, not encouraging one way or another. Let her sort it out with time. She will have my complete love one way or another as yours will have your love also.  ... View more

Hello, my kids are almost same age as yours. Daughter is 15 and son is 17.    I am truly sorry to hear about the difficulties with your girl. Its easier said than done, but you need to focus on your self care right now, both physical (healing from surgery) and mentally.   When I am a mess (have anxiety problems and healing from several problems after a car accident) I am of little help for my kids. I found that meditation and breathing exercises have helped me. There are several guided mindfulness meditation online that brought me at least some focus on the present moment.    I had a problem with dear so a month ago and I read about 5 books in a week, parenting books mostly and that also helped me, just knowing that there was a chapter on the book with my very problem it showed to me that I wasn’t alone, and you are not alone either.   You said she is hospitalized, I pray the doctors can come up with a plan for her recovery and that you are stronger for when she comes back.  ... View more

This is wonderful! I will definitely incorporate in my daily life. ... View more

I am sorry that your son is not reciprocating the love you are giving him. My 16-17yo son does that to me and his father also. Its pure nonsense that comes out of his mouth and I told him that his accusations that I am a bad parent got so often that I don’t care anymore. In my case, I am certain its just that he is sad bc of a friend that is sick and he has angry at someone. We are the closest and he knows he is loved even when he is hard to take.   Sometimes kids think its our job to make them happy? I am starting to think that they do expect that from us and when we can’t deliver happines, they get angry. I told my son that grown ups hurt, to experience unhappiness is part of life. I can listen, I can try to help, but I can’t fix everything and some pain and frustration is part of his story now.      ... View more

I am glad he came back. I have been thinking good thoughts towards you all night (Im in the US). I hope you soon can get the control and be able to enjoy your son more.  ... View more

Hi,   I don’t have much to add, just my personal experince. When you set boundaries, it gets worse before it gets better. Your change will demand a change from him. I had so many holes on the walls...then, when the tantrums had no effect, my teen calmed down. Also, I would not talk or give any attention during his spells, as long as he was not hurting anyone, but things.    I told him “I love you too much to allow you to do something you will regret or uin your life, you can’t see it now, but Im on your side”.    Wished I could be more help.  ... View more

Hi, You seem to be doing all the right things.   Here at home we made clear that the devices are not a right, but a priviledge that can be paused/eliminated at any time by any of us parents.   We have what we call it “a contract” [actually we use this system for a lot of things, it works very well for us]. In this “contract” we wrote the rules for phone/computer use and the consequences of misuse. For instance, we use tracking and the day they change this setting the phone will be confiscated, another its that they must answer our calls/msg asap, they must turn phone in at night etc.    I think that could maybe be an option for you?    If you don’t want “confiscate” the device, there is an app that you can install on their phones that I could remotely disable their apps for an amount of time if they are not complying with your rules.    They probably won’t like your rules, but you know you are looking out for them 😉  ... View more

Hi, I am from a different culture as my spouse and its true that it can be a challenge and completely understand your point of view.    Now, as a parent of teens and going back in time of when I was a teen, what its comes to mind its that teens LOVE THE FORBIDDEN and love to test boundaries. Someone will more knowledge might disagree with me, but keeping your “enemies” close can be a good thing in this case. She is 15 and I assume that marriage is not something that will happen anytime soon and she will meet other people, and so it will this gentleman she now dates.   My son says things like that when he feels he is being controlled (not dismissing your concern as I also get very tense and scared when he says that). I am havin the same issue but not with a girlfriend, but some friends I don’t like. I feel that if I say “no”, it will be the forbidden fruit that he will crave all day. I allowed this friend to come to our house and will put my own advice to test tomorrow 😀   It did work with a past girlfriend he had, her parents were very weird, it lasted 2yrs even after she changed schools. In the end, he broke up with her and is now dating a very sweet girl.  ... View more

I am sorry about violating the guidelines, it was not intentional. Thank you for editing.   My son is now open to the meeting and I talked with the psychologist what is going on regarding his trauma. Unfortunately the other counselor was not adequately equipped and pushed him away.    I see a therapist on the account on my own struggles with anxiety and depression. It has been really helpful. I also use meditation and audio subliminal sessions that helps me. I listen to them at night while I sleep and it makes a difference. Breathing exercises always help me to stay in the moment. ... View more

Thank you so much for your reply, it means so much to be heard. This job is not easy.   He has a whole year ahead of him until he turns 18. I am trying to get him to see a psycologist because on top of that, he is grieving a loss of one of his best friends that in October 2016, he was found unconscious in his bedroom and since then, he is in minimally conscious state. His friend was 13.  It affected all of us, including the boys that are friends and live near by.  ... View more

Wow. Thank you for posting. I learned something today.   As someone else pointed out, parents can be crazy as teenagers sometimes. We say silly things and most of the time (in my case for sure) we might think the child is not even paying attention. You helped me see that they do and will be more careful from now on.   Your mom loves you and she is expressing her desire to be close to you in the future, she won’t take your kids, she is just telling you how much she will love them.   This time of separation is hard on parents, even though you might not remember many years of your life when you were little, it happened and its vivid to your parents as last week is for you. Parents are people too.   By the way, great job on working on your dream! ... View more

I don’t know the laws in your area, but isn’t 16yo leaving classified as runway? I would like an update on your story as it seems that it was posted a while ago.   My son is 16-17, full support at home, but wants freedom very bad. Not the greatest choice of friends, I mean, they are not terrible, but come from families that allow them to do whatever they want.   My son feels tied down bc we don’t let him do sleepovers all the time. Even though his friends were caught one of he times they go drunk and we know that one of them, besides vaping, his parents leave him alone for days.    Now, he has been saying that turning 18, he will pack his stuff and move to one of these friends house, he said the parents okayed. I am furious and asked one parent (in a joking way) if she knew my son was planning to move in after 18 and she said that boys are funny and that her son said he would move to my house. I told my son that she was not aware of him moving there and he said that surely she would deny as this is their plan, to keep it quiet until his birthday.    I wonder if its legal (US) for an adult to do what she is doing (if this is true), I mean, I would never give any incentive to a child to leave his parents house. Our kids are friends, her son is 14, but for me, she is is just a neighbor.   ... View more

Hello,   I can’t begin to imagine your situation, it seems that you are overwhelmed and you are right, you too have feelings and you are a person that also needs care.   If possible, make sure that your daughter can be with someone where she is safe, even in the house, in another room for a few minutes, it is good that you take these few minutes to yourself to do your meditation, your breathing exercises to ground yourself and get back on the game ready to use your wise mind and not your emotional (Which understandably is very high). Nothing wrong with crying, it doesn’t mean you are weak, don’t feel bad about yourself.   You seem to be doing what you can. I imagine its hard to wanting to communicate and being shut down. I hope someone can give you a better advice, I just needed to reach out to you as many times I felt the same way.       ... View more

1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh? 14/girl 16/boy DD: I just found out she changed her account on her computer to administrator, which means, she manages the content she wants to see it. Mama changed it back to “Child Acct” DS: He asked: Can I drive your car to school? 2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down? That is a challenge. I try to care for myself doing meditation to keep anxiety down. After one of their friends had an accident and is now under minimally conscious state, I always ask: Is this a battle worth fighting for?  3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today? Mostly because of DD, she has been reluctant to engage in any activity and is glued to the couch watching tv.  4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years? ”Its not about you, don’t take it personally. Keep loving them” 5. Whats the best thing about weekends?  We can all sleep in   ... View more

Who never went down to the youtube spiral?  You begin watching a video of a dry wall diy and all of the sudden you are watching a video of an alien creature found in Mexico 😀 Like the one that posted above me, I would not allow it at all.  ... View more

Hello,    I agree with you that its okay to talk to the adults that will host your child and what their expectations are, and if they match it with yours. Like with any other sleepover. I always make sure to contact the other parent to find out if they are okay with my kid coming over, even if its not to spend the night. I learned its that teens make a lot of plans and parents are the last one to know 😀    ... View more

I found out that the only way to communicate when things are this bad, its through a handwritten letter. Tell her how much you love her and list good things you know about her and how you understand she might not see you as a friend, but she can trust that you are on her side. That you are a person too and are doing or best to her to be her best.  I had a breakthrough with my dear daughter this weekend and I hope you get to have one also.  ... View more

The question is: What would you do when you get a video of them disobeying your rules? Will you take the keys and only let them in when you or mom is home for a determinate lenght of time, since you can’t trust they will respect your house rules? ... View more

Ultimately its your decision, you are the parent and I would never give my opinion if I wasn’t asked 😀  As infuriating as it is to have your voice sound more like a white noise, you were the one that broke it. I would go for a 50-50, since it was for different reasons, both contributed to the loss.     ... View more