Looking for help

[Salinas]

I don't want to live with my 15 year old son anymore. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I used to be a very happy and positive person. I now am isolated and depressed. Last week I actually contemplated ending my life.  I don't know what to do. I feel I am seriously abused emotionally by him. He is steals, is not going to school, his room is always a mess and he has vandalize the home to the point that looks like an abandon house.

He has not regards for authority and wants to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. His behaviour is destroying his like and breaking the family apart. 

Not only do I have to deal with him, but with his friends too. He never wants to be alone and bring over too many kids that stay over without my consent. They smoke and use marihuana, after many arguments and fight; they now go outside to smoke. I don't smoke and hate the smell and I don’t drink. I have talk to many groups in Ottawa Canada for some time now, I get councils, and some talks to him other simply say if he doesn’t cooperate we cannot do anything. I feel I am alone 

I have been to counseling and am still going. Most of them agree he and I need to find a way to live together or I should maybe take a break. Am I wrong to move out and let my husband raise him for a while? The fact is I don’t even think my husband can help. I love my son but most of the time I don't like him and I feel terrible.

Please, please help me!

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Salinas, 

Welcome to the forum, we are glad you that you've found us. I've just moved your post to its own thread, so it can get a little more attention, and that people in the community can give their own advice and support. 

I can see that you're posting from Canada so unfortunately a lot of our articles on where you can get support won't apply, but the advice might still be relevant to your situation. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time, and I am so sorry to hear how hard it has been for you. 

I am glad to hear that you are looking after your own mental health by seeing counselling. I think it's a really good idea to keep doing that. Have you thought about going to Child Protective Services? I am not sure what the situation in in Canada, but CPS in Australia can also intervene in the child in question is acting disruptively. Taking a break might also be a really good idea, but it would definitely be something you would have to talk to your partner about, and decide together. 

You can also try contacting the Canadian National Parent HelpLine on 1-855-427-2736, as they might be able to give you some more specific guidance. 

Sending my support

[JAKGR8]

Hi @Salinas it sounds like you are having a really rough time. I haven't got much experience in this area but I thought you might like these couple of articles. 

Attitude which applies to all kids not just ADHD

Empowering Parents which has a lot of different articles.

One thing I have learnt though is that strong teens need strong parents so

- look after yourself

- give yourself a break

- get some support and coaching

- prepare and plan strategies in advance

- find someone to talk to

I have found the predicting and preparing for possible scenarios works best for me. It allows me to plan positive phrasing of my message and consequences. I will practise or write down what I want to say.

Unfortunately, once children get to the defiant stage it is going to involve strong and consistent parenting, which can be difficult if you are well enough to attempt. Get yourself well is part of the preparation.

I hope there are others who can offer more suggestions. Sending positive thoughts your way.