06-15-2021 12:05 AM - last edited on 07-20-2021 12:07 PM by Janine-RO
My daughter is 28 - she is loving, respectful and very considerate. We generally have a wonderful relationship. However I have struggled for years with her decisions and have learnt to begrudgingly accept some of her bad choices as I know I can't change them, as much as I'd like.
The biggest of these is that she's been working as a sex worker part time while she's been studying for the past few years. This has, I believe destroyed her relationship and she has recently lost her job of 10 years as a part time therapy assistant idue to her inability to get to work on time because of her varying shifts.
I'm concerned that she is not looking for work straight away and has picked up more evening shifts as a sex worker.
I don't think she sees the impact this is having on her life.
As much as I try to tell her, she doesn't listen. I am at the end of my tether. I'm worried where she will end up and I'm frustrated I have no control of the situation.
06-15-2021 03:49 PM
06-15-2021 04:29 PM
Hi @Helplessmum ,
Firstly, I'm so sorry that you're carrying so much pain and stress, I'm also a mum of 2 kids, and feeling helpless is a terrible feeling.
Reading your post, I'm struck by how much you clearly adore your daughter, and how much you genuinely want the best for her. It's clear that she trusts you with intimate details of her life (a lot of sex workers will often keep their profession secret from their parents in particular), and though I can imagine it would be very confronting to hear about her chosen job, I think it's huge that she trusts you enough to tell you that.
I can imagine it would feel pretty frightening to know that your daughter is working as a sex worker - is it ok if I ask what it is specifically that's concerning you? My understanding (which is based on having read a few memoirs of sex workers as part of my university studies, as well as studying some areas of this more generally from a public health standpoint), is that there's a huge range of sex workers. Some will live very risky lives, for example if there's drug misuse involved, or they're working 'on the streets'. Some will be treated as professionals, in some cases they may earn good money, have health care included, safety checks, and compulsory use of protection, for example.
Has your daughter told you why she's decided on sex work, and have you had the chance to talk to her about the concerns you may have?
I'm also hearing that she seems to be struggling with day to day life (for example sleeping a lot of the day), which I suppose could also be to do with the fact that sex work is also essentially shift work... are you concerned about her mental health more generally?
I'm just going to link a few articles we have about mental health and young people, especially what we as parents can do when they don't want to seek help. We also have an article about risky behaviour, which may also be relevant if she's engaging in risky activities like having unprotected sex.
Finally I wanted to acknowledge that everyone's moral compass/ moral code is different. Especially when it comes to sex work - and I will be really honest, and say that even though I personally believe that women have the right to work in their chosen profession, I would also be deeply concerned if my daughter told me she was working as a sex worker. It's really hard to know how we'll react in these situations because for me, this is hypothetical. For you, this is your much loved and cherished daughter.
Do you have anyone in your life you're able to lean on for support?
Looking forward to hearing from you @Helplessmum , and I hope that posting here has helped you feel a bit less alone. This is a safe and supportive community and we are here to listen.
06-15-2021 04:53 PM