Moving away

[Elica1016]

We recently moved towns and my 13year old daughter has really struggled with this. She keeps telling me she wants to move home(back to the old town) and that she misses all her friends. I have made sure that we still go back and see her friends every odd weekend however I am finding this is making things worse. I listened to what she wanted to help her adapt into our new home school/work and gave her what she felt she needed but I'm left in tears thinking I did the wrong thing moving. Help

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Elica1016, moving towns is always going to be difficult, and I can really understand why you'd be feeling so uncomfortable and anxious about your daughter making friends and feeling happy or content in her surroundings. I think it's not a bad idea for her to keep seeing her old friends, but it might also be a good idea to encourage her to make new friends. Maybe it could be a good idea to check in with her and ask if there is any extracurricular activities that she's interested in, or maybe you could take a look and see if there are any youth community programs in your area? This might not just help distract her and provide her a place to make friends, but it will also be something to anchor her to her new town. 

[MissMess]

My 15y son and I moved several hours away from our home town too. He struggled too. He missed family and friends and didn't settle into the local high school. He now does online high school education. It breaks my heart that he rarely leaves home now. I feel guilty I moved him and made life harder for him. It increased his anxiety and it increased mine. He sees none of his peers. I can't move back and nor do I want to. He made some friends at a recent school camp and they stay connected by phone and online. I'm trying to keep positive. The last few weeks he has stuck on his headphones and walked to the beach around 4pm. It might be a small thing to everyone else, but this is huge for him, and me. I keep telling myself small steps. But it's been hard.

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @MissMess 

Thank you for sharing this with us. I can imagine how torn you’re feeling about this situation - it sounds like you decided to move for good reasons and made a necessary choice. On the other hand, you’re witnessing your son go through loneliness which must be heartbreaking for you. 

Your love for your son is clear, and as hard as things are right now for him, I feel reassured knowing that he has a strong support person in his corner. It’s amazing that he is getting out for afternoon walks with his headphones - that is a huge step. 

You mentioned that the move has also increased your anxiety which must be so hard to cope with while also worrying about your son. I’m curious to know if you have any support people in your corner? 

We are here to chat whenever you need, and if you feel that speaking to a counsellor or another mental health professional would be helpful, we are happy to send through some resources to help you find the right support for you.

Take care, and we hope to hear back from you!