New member

[NomadSG]

Hi Everyone,

I have a 15 year old son. Recently he has been involved in risky behaviour so the school suggested I check out this site for support from other parents.

When I am really stressed, I bake! Helps me & also fresh bread & cakes for everyone at home.

I love going on walks & spending time with my family during weekends.

[Bel_RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @NomadSG ,
Thank you for responding and sharing more information. I can see how taxing this must be for you and your husband. It can be terrifying to have your teen sneak out with no knowledge of where they are, or what they are doing. However, I wanted to acknowledge how amazing it is that you and your husband have made attempts to set boundaries, despite being met with resistance from your son. The resilience and determination you and your husband have shown is super admirable.

I can hear that you have concerns about teen pregnancy and heartbreak, which are completely understandable and relatable. Many parents share the same concerns, so you aren’t alone with what you’re going through. I can imagine how much this would impact your wellbeing as you mentioned feeling quite stressed and that you’re struggling a lot, so it’s really beautiful to know that you are speaking to a psychologist for support during this time. ReachOut offers 1:1 parent coaching that might be helpful as an additional support. In addition, I encourage you to explore Carer Gateway who offer counselling, tips, and coaching. Both of these services may be able to provide you with additional support and advice on communication and boundary setting. 

[Bel_RO]

Hey @NomadSG, 

Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing. I can see that things have been taxing for you with what's going on with your son. It is really great to hear that you are engaged with the school about this and I’m glad you are receiving support from them. If you feel comfortable, are you able to share more about what’s been happening for your son and how long this has been going on for? 

I also want to note that it’s admirable to hear that you have a form of self-care that helps you when you’re feeling stressed. It can be difficult to manage your own wellbeing during tough times, so I'm curious to know how you're feeling about all of this, and if you have any supports for yourself apart from the school?

[NomadSG]

Hi Bel_RO,

Thanks for responding.

My son has a girlfriend since early this year. Late Feb we realised that he was sneaking out at night post 11pm & would be back by 5:30am, just before his Dad wakes up to go to the gym. First he insisted that he was just going for a walk or roaming around in the oval. Later he admitted he was going to his GF’s place for a sleepover & since he knew we wouldn’t like it, he was lying & sneaking out. Trying to get him to stop this midnight behaviour was met with resistance so we told him if he informs us & we can go drop him, he can go. He allowed me to walk with him once but refused after that. He drops me a message once he reaches instead.

He now spends an average of 3 nights a week at her place which I think is too much. I worry abt issues like teen pregnancy, heartbreak due to too much attachment etc. I am also not sure if her parents are aware & ok with this since my son refuses to give me their contact details.

Last week he was out on Tue, Wed & Thu nights. He then promised me, on his own, that he will not go till Monday night. Sunday night I had a suspicion & stayed up. Heard a loud thump outside our balcony. He had jumped 1 floor down from his window to go out without informing us. I am now at my wits end on what to do next, how to handle this & get him to understand that this is getting dangerous. According to him there was no harm done as he is fine.

I am quite stressed & struggling a lot, which is why I am reaching out to hear from others on how to deal with such situations? I am speaking to a psychologist for help & my husband & I keep reading to find ways to communicate with our son but nothing seeks to be working. He doesn’t accept any boundaries, will just refuse & do what he likes without giving the consequences any thought.

Thanks for reading my long post.

[Malena]

Hi NomadSG,

It's not easy to be a parent, we carry so much on our shoulders and always worry about our children. My children are in their twenties, I still worry about them and always will. Have you tried talking with your son to find out why he's engaging in this behaviour and finding out if he's going through something or something happened?

When I am stressed, I try to step back and look at the situation as clearly as I am able to. I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that my stress is temporary and that things will eventually get better. Additionally, I find that activities such as gardening, going for a long walk, listening to music help manage my stress levels.

Hope things get easier for you and your family.

[Bel_RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @NomadSG ,
Thank you for responding and sharing more information. I can see how taxing this must be for you and your husband. It can be terrifying to have your teen sneak out with no knowledge of where they are, or what they are doing. However, I wanted to acknowledge how amazing it is that you and your husband have made attempts to set boundaries, despite being met with resistance from your son. The resilience and determination you and your husband have shown is super admirable.

I can hear that you have concerns about teen pregnancy and heartbreak, which are completely understandable and relatable. Many parents share the same concerns, so you aren’t alone with what you’re going through. I can imagine how much this would impact your wellbeing as you mentioned feeling quite stressed and that you’re struggling a lot, so it’s really beautiful to know that you are speaking to a psychologist for support during this time. ReachOut offers 1:1 parent coaching that might be helpful as an additional support. In addition, I encourage you to explore Carer Gateway who offer counselling, tips, and coaching. Both of these services may be able to provide you with additional support and advice on communication and boundary setting. 

[NomadSG]

Hi Malena,

Thanks for responding. Yes, wr have tried to speak to him & find out what the issue is but he just replies that there is no problem & he doesn’t need help. He has difficulty sharing his problems with anyone which is why we are having communication problems within the family.

[NomadSG]

Thanks Bel_RO. Will check out the Carer Gateway & also explore the 1:1 support. Thanks so much for listening.