Teenage depression and suicidal thoughts

[nala20]

I am so worried about my teenage daughter she is suffering from depression and autism she hasn’t been diagnosed yet it’s a battle for diagnosis as am sure you will all know. She is really struggling at home and school, because she doesn’t have a diagnosis yet she doesn’t get the help she needs and because of this is deteriorating in her mental health she feels there’s no help for her and feels hopeless. The problem is my daughter stays with her Dad and he doesn’t support her. What can I do to help as I also have mental health problems so I know what she is going through but can’t help feel so bad can anyone help me 

[nala20 · Accepted solution]

Am sure there are loads of parents out there expieresing the same thing with there sons or daughters is there any advice you could give me please

[nala20]

I have had depression and anxiety from a young age and it still affects my life to this day I have self harmed for many years now and has resulted in complex trauma. I can speak to my daughter about all this cause I have went through it myself I just wish I could help her

[nala20]

There’s so many things asked of you to join this website I can’t remember all of them but I will try to tell you as much as I can. I am 49 years old and my daughter is 17 years old now I always known she had problems from a early age but didn’t understand it at the time. Later learned thru the years she has autism and depression, been trying for years to find out what’s wrong with her it’s so difficult to get a diagnosis for autism and depression. So worried about her as she stays with her Dad and he keeps telling her that nothing is wrong with her and doesn’t give her any support because at school she struggles and needs support but her Dad wants nothing to do with it. He keeps telling her that nothing is wrong with her and that scares me because I know she is struggling what can I do to help her

[nala20]

My family I don’t know what to say bad memories

[nala20]

I don’t look forwards to weekends I am on my own and only get visits from my daughter every now and again

[nala20]

My child is 17 years old now and doesn’t stay with me

[nala20]

It’s hard to laugh at anything when you are depressed yourself

[nala20]

I got in touch with you because I am so worried about my daughter

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @nala20 

I'm so sorry to read about the mental health challenges both you and your daughter are navigating. I've moved your posts across the forum into your own thread so we can support you here.

It sounds like, although you aren't able to see your daughter as much as you'd prefer, you have a close and honest relationship with her. I'm glad she has an understanding advocate in you. Getting an autism diagnosis while also coping with depression is a mammoth task, and going without the support needed must be exhausting. Do you and your daughter discuss her struggles when you spend time together? 

I can also imagine how difficult it is trying to help your daughter while her father doesn't share your concerns, so I'm glad you've reached out to us. I'm not sure you've already explored these resources, but I want to share some information with you that may open doors for the support you're looking for. 

- Different Minds has information about where to get support for Autism and mental health. Here's a page where you can find help and support for education as well. 

- We've got an article here on handling communication issues with your ex, which includes advice and tips. One of the suggestions is to contact a family relationship support service if your ex isn't responding well to your attempts to have a conversation about your daughter. 

I also want to acknowledge what you've shared about your own mental health journey. I agree that your lived experience put you in a unique position to understand your daughter, which is invaluable. It sounds like you've had tough times yourself, and I'm curious about your support network. Is there anyone in your life you feel comfortable chatting to about this? 

I'm going to send you an email to check in and see how you're feeling, so keep an eye out for that when you have some time to read it. 

[Birdwings]

Hi there @nala20,

Sorry to hear you and your daughter are struggling. I have times where my kids have gone quiet and had depression and I talked to my dad (or perhaps he raised it with me) and he asked me: Have you asked him what's wrong? Well., I hadn't and it wasn't easy to get him to talk at the time either and I was mostly trying to work things out from the outside. I think my dad has a point. I have some experience with people on the spectrum. The whole idea of being able to "cure" autism is very controversial. However, there are things which can make things better or worse. Sensory issues is one area where a difference can be made without too much effort. Some people are sensitive to their clothes and say the tag at the back which can easily be cut off. Not everyone likes being hugged which other people on the spectrum are sensory seeking and love hugs. A lot of teens have trouble fitting in and finding their tribe and this can be compounded for teens on the spectrum. Scouts and Guides are good activities. Finding something your daughter enjoys and and has a bit of talent would help too. She doesn't need to be a high achiever. I make cakes for friends. Volunteering or getting a job can help. Small steps. I hope something here might help. 

Best wishes,

Birdwings