09-27-2020 09:29 PM - last edited a month ago by Janine-RO
Hi all I am new here, I am concerned about my 13 year old son who has just started high school this year and he says he has no friends and suffers from quite a lot from social anxiety. He refuses to purchase anything from shops and avoids social interactions wherever possible. He has been like this most of his life and I am unsure what I can do?
09-28-2020 01:37 PM
Hi @JJL24 ,
First of all, welcome to the forums! I hope you find it a useful and safe space for you
The transition to high school can be a challenging one for a lot of young people, even more so when there's some social anxiety in the mix as well. From what you say it sounds like this has been an issue for your son for quite awhile, I'm just wondering if he has ever had any professional help for this at all?
Speaking as a parent of a child who's also experienced social anxiety, I can say that getting some professional help was a real game-changer for us. The Cool Kids program is one program that has a great reputation, and helps kids and their parents to develop skills to manage anxiety, including slowly building up their exposure to situations that trigger their anxiety, and gently starting to challenge the thoughts that can lie beneath social anxiety - it's also offered by private psychologists. Does your son have a GP that he trusts? One possible approach could be to visit your GP for a mental health plan, then look for a psychologist who has skills in treating anxiety in teens (I've linked to our page that describes a bit more about how that process works), or going to your local Headspace centre. If he's not keen on speaking to someone face to face, there's also services that offer support online, over the phone or via text, like eHeadspace.
We also have some really good resources on anxiety on our parents page here,
There's also a FAQ for parents about anxiety here
Has your son ever tried any breathing exercises, or meditation, to help him manage his anxiety? If he's interested in giving that a try, there's some great apps like Headspace that can help him to learn those skills - we have a list of great apps for mental health here.
Does your son have any other interests that he enjoys, like sport, or music? If he's struggling to find people that he clicks with at school, outside activities can be a great way to find other people that he clicks with.
I know from experience that it can be pretty tough seeing your child unhappy in this way - if you think it would help to talk things through one on one, we do offer a one to one parents coaching service that is free for all parents/carers in Australia, and is available online or over the phone, you can find out more about that here. It's great that you're reaching out here for support, it's a really supportive community, and you're not alone.
09-29-2020 12:35 AM
Welcome to the Reach Out Parents' Forum. I've been hanging out here for the last couple of weeks after I came to the website looking for advice re one of my daughter's friends. I was stoked to find the parents' forum because I'm cut off from most of my friends as I'm immuno-suppressed and at high risk re covid. I'm an extrovert and I miss talking with other parents of teens in person and am finding this a good alternative. I've also been writing a blog for about 6 years where I've met quite a lot of introverts and heard more about their perspective.
My question about your son is whether he is content not going into shops and not having social interaction? While it's not ideal, you can get through life without a lot of social interaction ,e specially these days when you can work from home, shop online. There are people who are happy with only a few friends. However, there's a difference between a few close friends and no friends and that's particularly hard in the school context.
Do you know what concerns him? For example he might not like germs, in which case, his anxiety is only going to get worse during covid? Is he concerned about not knowing what to say? In that case, role playing could help. Both of our kids have been involved in Scouts and our son is still going as a venturer. They work towards badges and being in the outdoors and camping is really good for you on so many levels. Some of the kids struggle with shyness, communication difficulties etc and can relate to each other. During lockdown, my son's group was an amazing support and they all chatted away in zoom.
I've mentioned this in a few of my posts but having a dog could do wonders to ease his anxiety and help him to feel love and be loved. Talking to his dog could also be a stepping stone to reach out to his peers.
Learning a musical instrument is another idea. Guitar is a good social choice. I play violin and have gone back to piano during covid. It can be great to pull out a guitar in a group and play and people can sing along. He could also connect with people via the music without having to talk.
In addition to seeing a psychologist, occupational therapists are well versed at helping to overcome issues. I'm not quite sure what the difference is but if you're having trouble getting him to see a psychologist an OT could be the way to go.
I just thought of another big help to me and that is photography. When you zoom in and focus on something, you're actually focusing on a point which is a relaxation technique. I found that out later. However, photography got me through a very difficult period of my life when I was very ill and unsure whether I'd get back on my feet. I didn't always focus on good stuff, but that was cathartic as well.
I hope this helps, in addition to previous advice about courses you can do through a psychologist or local service.
a month ago
a month ago
Hi and thank you for the information you have shared.
He is currently seeing a Psychiatrist but he finds it very hard to explain how he feels which makes it quite hard.
He does try a bit of meditation now and then, sometimes when he can't sleep.
I will look into these programs that you have suggested thank you
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