Shattered mum needs advice please.

[Mumof1]

Hi all.
I'm feeling very despondent and shattered for my soon to be 18yr old daughter who suffers from severe depression. Lately we have been going up and down with her moods even though her medication is working. The problem now is her boyfriend of 2 yrs whom has lived with us the past 14 months has been caught cheating online. Talking to other girls, receiving pics of other girls, planning to meet up and very dirty messages back n forth. My baby and I are shattered. She has broken up with him and he has moved back home. I'm trying to help her, and don't want to say the wrong thing. I found something she uses to self-harm under the pillow which i removed and am watching her closely. She feels so betrayed, she found out on his phone. He is begging for forgiveness but the trust is gone. In his eyes he didn't cheat. I am so angry and shocked. I took him in against my wishes at first ( DR and Physcologist ) both recommended it, as he was the only person who could reach her help her during the darkest times as he suffers from depression also..my fears have now come to fruition. They were so happy and in love. He recently turned 18 and joined the dating app soon after we have discovered. He can't explain why he did this. I'm devastated for both of them. I know its part of life etc but add mental health issues to the mix, it's a nightmare. He has tried suicide in the past, and his mum is worried saying to me she gona lose him. I will not be guilted into having him back here or try to convince my baby to give him another chance. She was abused by her father at a young age and finally trusted another man and now he has let her down ( her words ). Sorry for rambling and i know I'm all over the place with trying to explain the situation. I just don't want to stuff up the handling of the situation with her. Any advice appreciated. Ps she has a wonderful support of friends and family. I have advised her to concentrate NOT on who has let you down BUT who is there in difficult times friends and family that's who.
Thanks

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Mumof1, I am sorry to hear about this happening, I can only imagine how heart-breaking it must be for both of you. You're right, you don't have to convince your daughter to forgive her ex-boyfriend, unless it is something she wants to do. I think the advice you have given is really great as it is important to focus on the supports that are still available for your daughter. Who else does she have in her dark times? Do either of you have a psychologist or counselor? It sounds like both of you could do with some extra support in a time like this, especially for your daughter seeing as it has bought up some past trauma for her. It is also important that if you are concerned for the safety of anyone, contact 000. We have services like eheadspace and Kids Helpline that we can recommend in the meantime . I also had to edit your post as it mentioned the method of self-harm.

[Mumof1]

Thankyou. This is the problem, i have tried getting her to headspace etc she refuses. She had counselling when younger for trauma etc. Dr referred her to a pyscologist she quit after the 3rd visit when they told her to dye her hair when she feels sad. She refuses to talk to anyone. She said i don't understand, only he does. She loves and misses him but says she can't trust him.anymore. This is going to damage her even more now. I'm seeing my DR Tuesday and asking for a referal to see someone myself. I can't make her see someone, even though im trying too.

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Mumof1 it sounds like a devastating situation to be in and I'm so sorry for the pain you and your daughter are going through. It's great that she has such a loving and supportive mum. It's really difficult when we want to support the ones we love most but they refuse to get any assistance and put themselves at greater risk. I'm going to tag some of our members for some further support @taokat @Happy @Moggy3kids @sunflowermom I'm glad to hear that you are looking after yourself and getting some support from your DR, self-care is really important. We're here for you 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Mumof1

I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.  It is wonderful that she has you, friends and family for support.  I can imagine it is do incredibly frustrating when she says that only her ex BF understands.  Just keep reminding her you are there for support and offer her as many distractions as you can.  Broken hearts take a certain time to run their course but when you add depression on top- it can be so overwhelming.  We are here to listen and support any way we can.  Hugs.