Son's behaviour

[Mary4873]

My son is 16 yrs old, for a while now he has been showing signs of a different behaviour. He won't do anything when I ask him to do it. He makes excuses when I ask him to do anything & he doesn't do anything when I ask him to. He will do what I ask, but in his own time. I don't think he's just being disobedient, I actually think he can't do the things i ask of when I ask, only in his own time.
He's very sporty, he has no problems at school, he has a balanced diet & he doesn't smoke or take drugs, I am 100% certain on this.

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Mary4873 

Thanks for sharing what you're going through with your son, its sounds like this must be pretty confusing for you. It can be quite shocking when someones behaviour changes, and it can seem to come out of nowhere. Could you give an example of some of the things you've asked him to do that he isn't doing?

I'm wondering about what happens when you try to bring this up with him? Have you been able to have a conversation with him around what you've noticed and the concerns you have?

[Mary4873]

Hi,
Any time I ask him to put his shoes away (the shoe cupboard is right inside the door opposite to where he leaves his shoes) He throws his bag in the doorway, & his coat on the sofa. I ask him to please put them away & he says "later" .
When I call him for dinner, he joins us 5/10 mins later. If I ask him to put his bike away, he won't do it until it goes dark. If I ask him to put clothes away, they gather dust before he does it. Anything I seem to ask, he can't do, until he wants to.
I've spoken to him about it & he says he's not being disobedient but I nag him. I said I wouldn't nag if he would do what I ask.
I ask him to respect that I like to keep my house clean & tidy, but he says it's not important & he doesn't care. He's not a bad person, he may just be lazy, but I'm wondering if there is another reason he can't respond to my wishes.

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Mary4873, 

Thanks for getting back to us with this information about what is happening for you and your son. It is really tough when there is a clash in what different household members value around cleanliness, and its hard to be in a position where you feel like you're nagging all the time.

Could it be possible to have a conversation about structuring chores/household tasks and maybe come to a bit of a compromise with him? I'm also wondering if he is aware of how this makes you feel?

We also have this great thread where a number of parents have spoken about their experiences around chores and feeling like they are nagging, it has some really interesting ideas in it that could be worth trying. We also have some content around communicating with teens that might be helpful too.

[AllaRam]

It seems that he moved to the adult stage and he wants to be treated like an adult. He wants to be respected. And that's fine. Try to talk with him, showing your understanding of that. But every stage comes with pluses and minuses. If he is an adult in the home of another adult then he has to treat you and your home with respect. He has to earn the adult level treatment by showing his maturity (respecting others)

[carlie]

I have a 14 year old which sounds similar.   Our biggest problem is him coming home on time at night after being out riding with his mates.  I tell him to be home by 5.30pm as the sun sets at 5.20 and his bike with no light and no helmet.  Plus we all eat dinner as a family at 5.30pm and that is important to us.  He always arrives at 5.50pm and will not eat with us, he waits til around 9pm to eat.  He thinks we are too strict as parents as his mates are allowed to roam the streets on their bikes at night.  I feel like I am failing as we are always fighting about something, either curfues or chores.  He is a good kid at school, but just seems to be hanging with a crowd who think they are too cool for school.  He pulled the old "staying at a mates place" a few weeks ago and went out the bush drinking with his mates.   He says it is all a part of growing up and has spoken to his school co-ordinator about this, and apparently I just need to let go?  I do baby him alot and I told him that is all going to stop now if he cannot respect me.  

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @carlie 

Just wanted to respond on this thread too to let you know I've responded to your post at this link, I hope you're able to get some support from other parents too