Unhealthy friendship

[Edwina71]

My 15 year old daughter changes around a friend and becomes extremely disrespectful towards me. Her friend has some mental health issue and does not attend school regularly. She seems to rely heavily on my daughter emotionally and my daughter has lost friends due to drama with this girl. I can see manipulation and their relationship causes tension in our home. My daughter acuses me of things like being too strict when with this girl, things she does not usually say. I don't know what to do.

[Bel_RO]

Hey @Edwina71 ,

I’d like to begin by welcoming you to ReachOut! I’d also like to take a moment and thank you for sharing your concerns with the community. I can hear how taxing it must be for you to be enduring extreme disrespect from your daughter and watching her behaviour change with her being around this one friend. I am curious to know if you’ve had a chance to speak to your daughter about your concerns with this friend? If you’re interested, this article on speaking to your teen about bad friendships contains helpful tips and information to approach such conversations that could be useful for you. 

It also sounds like you’re concerned about your daughter being manipulated and being this friend's emotional support, which can be overwhelming for your daughter. Sometimes being supportive can become heavy and may have an effect on one’s wellbeing over time, so I am wondering whether you’ve had the opportunity to check in with your daughter about how she is coping being an emotional support for her friend? I am also curious about what your observations are around the manipulation?

Often speaking to family, friends, or a professional can support parents and be helpful in finding solutions or strategies to manage the concerns. Have you spoken to any friends, family or a professional about your daughter and the concerns you have about her behaviour and her relationship with her friend? If you are interested in receiving additional support, Headspace provides free online and telephone support and counselling to young people 12 - 25 and their families and friends. They also have in person support available. Another organisation that might be helpful is Beyond Blue - who offer free and confidential counselling and coaching, and ReachOut’s Parent Coaching service, who offer free and confidential one-on-one coaching. 

I hope this is helpful for you and look forward to hearing from you soon.

[Edwina71]

Thank you for the detailed response. I have spoken to her about my concerns however she becomes very defensive. In addition, I have discussed the matter with a family member who shares some concern. Recently I sent a text to the girl's parent requesting healthy dependance and space for both girls to explore a range of friendships. I am aware this may tempoarily exasperate things. Thankfully my daughter has many other friends however she experiences the unhealthy dependance in this frienship as closeness.

[Marimo-RO]

Hi @Edwina71,

Thank you for your response and for sharing with us the steps you have taken so far to foster healthy boundaries between your daughter and her friend. I can see that you're doing your best to have an open and honest conversation with your daughter about your concerns and to support her. Even if she may be defensive at first, the fact you are being non-judgmental and have her wellbeing in mind is very admirable. I'm glad to see that your daughter has other friends that she can socialise with.

I hope you continue to find the support you seek here.

Wishing you the best moving forward!