daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

[Jay-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom,

It's fantastic to hear that things are going well with you and your daughter. Thank you for updating us

In regards to your daughter smoking pot, it can be difficult for anyone to break habits and it's great that you can express your concerns to your daughter. Have you already done this or is it something you are looking to do? I hope that the conversations go well for you both.  

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Jay-RO

I will continue to have that conversation with her in regards to pot.  I will not nag daily about it but I will talk about it on a weekly basis about my concerns regarding addiction and loss of motivation.  She has stopped on her own for long periods of time when it looked like her pot use was getting in her way of a goal.  I will remind her to use that skill when it becomes necessary.  She will need to recognize when things are getting out of hand and I can help her with that.  We may do a weekly check in regarding the usage and how much and the reasons surrounding it.  I may suggest that to her today.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom,

You have put some much thought into how you will address this topic with your daughter  It sounds like having that open line of communication is really important.

Let us know how you go- I think that a lot of parents here would benefit from hearing how the weekly check ins go and how you feel about them

[Motherofteen]

I am just now reading all these posts and I can't tell you how comforting it is to see how many other moms/daughters are going through the same thing. My daughter will be turning 16 this weekend and it has been the the most challenging and scary year of my life. She has always had trouble connecting with people and really has never had a best friend. Right now, she has no friends. 

She has been diagnosed with OCD, severe social anxiety disorder and depression. She has gone through 2 stints in the hospital because we were both afraid she was going to really harm herself. She has done IOP for 5 weeks and is also on meds. Right now she is doing all her high school classes virtually because her social anxiety is so bad. She cries daily, feels completely alone, doesn't connect with people and is so lonely. However her anxiety keeps her from wanting to do things socially. She makes friends online, mostly boys and then gets her heart broken repeatedly. I also tried to send her to a residential facility and that lasted 4 days, I thought being around the other kids and the groups would be helpful. It turned out to be a nightmare. This place was worse than the things you see in the movies. 

I am scared every day and really on the verge of a nervous breakdown myself. I forgot to mention that my daughter also self harms. 

Any thoughts or advice are welcome

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Motherofteen thank you for sharing with us and we're glad you are finding comfort from the forum posts, you are not alone  I'm sorry to hear your daughter is going through a really difficult time with her mental health and trying to connect with people. I'm wondering if she has tried any local helplines that can provide counselling support on the phone or via web chat? I can see you are based overseas and just wanted to advise the resources available here are Australian based but you may find the articles available helpful.

It sounds like a challenging and scary time for you and you mentioned being on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Self-care is key during this difficult time, what are some ways you can look after yourself? We're here to listen and support you.  

[sunflowermom]

Dear @Motherofteen

I am so sorry to hear the struggles you are going through right now.  You are not alone.  Many of us are right there in the trenches with you.  It is so draining to be living in constant fear of what will happen next. I totally get that.  Sometimes its a miracle that we are left functioning at all.

This week I had a birthday, and I really did some deep soul searching.  I'm so tired of just existing.  I have decided to try harder than ever to really work on myself- and honestly its the happiest week I have had in a long time.  I have been listening to spiritual stuff on utube and short meditations on my lunch break and journaling.  I have been also using affirmations when I wake up in the morning.  I am making my armor stronger so I can keep going through this- I don't want to say it but, battle.

I know your heart is breaking for your daughter and these "virtual boys"  and the drama (my daughter does that too)  I think they do more harm then good.  I so desperately would love to see my daughter have an actual boyfriend with holding hands and going to movies.  It such a different time but its hindering emotional development in my opinion. my daughter days she is just so lonely.  And I get that.  But yes, its heartbreaking.

I know how sad the self harms makes you as a parent.  I am over the fear that it is for suicidal reasons but I see all the scars and I am just sick,  My daughter is permanently scarred- but I am just coming to terms this is her journey and I keep hope for better days.  

Hugs.

[Bust-er1234]

Hi I am writing regards to my 17 yr old daughter who has been going through a bad time with self harming she was diognosed with depression anxiety and Bdd last year ' which was traumatic for everyone involved she has been to different schools due to bullying and this year decided to pull out of year 11 as she nust wasnt coping when she has a bad day and feeling low she would try to self harm we have had to remove anything that she can harm herself with she is currently on med and seeing a pyciatrist and social worker 2 days ago she had a disagreement with her brother and self-harmed. She feels it's a coping mechanism. She came to tell me of her thoughts and me being a good parent rang the mental health support line and e as advised to take her to local.hospital but they advised it would be better to keep her home in her own Enviroment also she has been struggling with her bdd on top of her depression and hates the way she looks she has a very poor self Esteme and confidence she has tried different coping skills but both nothing works other than her dog could anyone please give me some ideas of what strategies I can maybe put into place to try and help her thank you.

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Bust-er1234 welcome to ReachOut, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has been going through a really tough time, it sounds like she has a lot going on. It's good to hear that she has been getting support from a psychiatrist and social worker. I'm wondering if they have provided any strategies to manage her self-harming behaviour and other coping mechanisms? Just letting you know I've just had to edit some content as per Community Guidelines. If she requires some further supports at home when she is struggling she could contact KidsHelpline, eHeadspace or Lifeline which have phone and webchat counselling support available. In terms of building up her confidence and self-esteem does she have anything she is really passionate about or interested in? Are there activity or social groups she could join to make new friends that have similar interests? I can only imagine what you must be going through right now. Do you currently have any supports yourself? I'm going to tag other members for further advice and  support @sunflowermom @Schooner @Helpful_Mum @lizard0812  As this is an older thread, you are welcome to create a new thread topic to receive further support from the community. We're here for you 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Bust-er1234

I am sorry your family is going through such a tough time right now.  I understand your feeling desperate and helpless around self harm. My daughter has been experiencing the anxiety and depression for a year and a half now.  

Please know there is hope.  In the past 2 months my daughter has finally made some headway.  The hard part is that every teen is different and what works for one may not work for someone else.  For example my daughter was not about to draw butterflies on her arm or journal nightly.  I can tell you things that she tried that seemed to make a difference and created a distraction.

She loved watching u tube makeup tutorials and got very good and doing her makeup

She loved her little dog very much ( a huge comfort to her)

We did meditation for a period of a few months together- she said it helped take a break form her anxiety 

She tried a ukulele and  writing songs

painting on canvas

fostering kittens was really great for a few months

she enjoyed trying to do acrylic nails for a while; basically anything to keep her mind occupied

 AT one point I bribed her to go a month without self harm- she got her nose pierced as a reward.  I wanted to have her extend the times between the self harm- I found it helpful for her to see going a length of time- and she was capable when she really wanted something.

I am just giving examples of distractions that helped during tough times.  Finally there came a time when she was not getting a desired effect from the self harm.  For us it got worse before it got better- I had to come to terms with the scars but I have not made her feel bad or guilty about them- 

Hang in there and just keep loving her- 

We keep sharps locked up but it was important to hide screw drivers as she once took the cabinet off the hinge.

We had family support group weekly for over a year, she had teen group weekly and therapy weekly.  Medications work for some teens but not all.  My daughter is currently not taking medication and has not been for three months.  I supported her decision but I said if you start feeling really bad again lets revisit meds.

My daughter had a few stays in hospitals during this past year and a half- It left her with some nightmares.  I think If you can honestly keep her safe at home then its better, many days I have taken my daughter to work with me. She was not allowed to be alone for many, many months. We also installed cameras in our home for added comfort.

Going through mental illness with teens is life changing and heart breaking for us parents but I can honestly say I have a stronger relationship than I ever thought possible. no, things are not perfect- but there finally came a point where I do not have to wait for the other shoe to drop and that's when I knew things were getting better.

Please take care of yourself more than anything, your daughter needs you to do that right now and that is something you have control over.  Hugs    we are here for you

I'm sorry for such a long post- more than anything just know there is hope!  It takes lots of time.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom

Thank you for sharing this amazing post with us- both yourself and your daughter have worked so hard to get her through this time, and it is really lovely to see the hope in your words

This sentence is so powerful: "Going through mental illness with teens is life changing and heart breaking for us parents but I can honestly say I have a stronger relationship than I ever thought possible. no, things are not perfect- but there finally came a point where I do not have to wait for the other shoe to drop and that's when I knew things were getting better."  I am so glad to see that your daughter is moving forward in her recovery journey!

What are your thoughts about some of these strategies @Bust-er1234? Every young person will be different in what works for them, but do you think you could try any of these strategies? We would love to hear your thoughts!