daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

[compassion]

Hi @sunflowermom 

How are things going with you and your lovely daughter?   Last I heard, things were on an upswing. I dearly hope that the upswing has continued.

You had concerns about your daughter's pot use--how is that going now?  I don't know how others feel about it but, in many ways, I would rather have my daughter smoke pot than drink alcohol if a) the cannabis is high CBD/low THC and b) if she was confident about the source (i.e. that it is not laced with fentanyl etc.). 

I've talked with my daughter that pot with high THC is going to likely exacerbate her social anxiety (where some research has shown that CBD *may help with anxiety).  Of course, the research on the teen brain and cannabis is limited so, ideally, there would be no use of pot.  I guess I think that alcohol can lead to many impulsive and risky decisions.   Again, ideally, I wish I wasn't even having to choose the 'lesser of the evils'. 

To be clear, I'm not trying to talk you out of your concern. I'm wondering about the relationship between her pot use and mental health symptoms? Or what she feels is the relationship. 

I do think the question of 'safe supply' is important. 

I admire your openness with your daughter; the fact that she 'checks in with you' is such an important and reassuring sign.  

[sunflowermom]

Hi @compassion 

Thank you so much for checking in on us!!  Actually, we are still doing really great.  She is going to school, no longer skipping any classes because I said you don't get allowance and you cant go anywhere on the weekend if you miss school. It has seemed to work- I also said no failing classes don't care the grade just no fails.

Currently on her own accord she is holding down a low B average, and has joined the school Softball team.  Even has a high school boyfriend though she confided that she is getting bored of him.  All this feels like typical teen stuff.

She has been smoking less often now, sometimes once a week. (probably because she spends her own allowance on it)  But it goes in waves of higher usage too. To be clear she is not on any other medication, we tried about 10 prescriptions and combos over the past year and a half simply didn't help her.  I am not anti meds ( at times they have worked wonders for me) but they didn't help her.

Her source for pot is good- since we are in California we have dispensaries and her cousin picks it up for her.  But then she can also get the levels of THC and CBD that she is looking for.  There are also rules or responsibility about the usage in our home- like- it doesn't go to school, she must smoke in backyard, nothing ever left out, she has a younger sister. Things like that.  There will be more rules once she gets her drivers license in a few months. 

I know all parents would not agree with allowing the pot smoking, but many teens smoke anyway without their parents knowledge. At least I have some knowledge about what's going on with her.

How are things going for you and your daughter?

[Jess1-RO]

Hi ,

So glad to hear that your daughter is engaging in school and extra curricular activities- reading back over this thread we can really see her recovery journey and the steps she has taken forward with your support

[sunflowermom]

Thank you @Jess1-RO !

I pray this brings hope to others going through what I have gone through.  Its a long journey and you will never be the same, but you will get stronger.  We didn't ask for these challenges as parents- but we can push through them and bring something to the other side   It gets better- just hold on!.

[silverlining]

Yes,

Thankyou for sharing the recovery journey as the last person has put it. Your ongoing sharing has helped me over again in weathering my own journey with my handful of a beautiful but (wild) child daughter. Even when things have been good I feel I'm just waiting on the other foot to drop at times. Hearing the running away story was hair raising. I am yet to go through this and hope not to...ever. It sounded like you turned it to positive somehow, what a feat! Thanks for sharing these hair raising experiences & the learning you have had with your child with other parents like me. Take care

[sunflowermom]

Hi @silverlining 

Your message was so kind last week.  We just got back from a family vacation  to Disneyland so my access has been limited.  I have had a incredibly tumultuous year and a half.  And honestly I never thought I would see the other end of it with a positive outcome.  I just want other parents to know it really will happen- I want to bring hope.  I know we all have different time lines and we wish we knew when the rollercoaster would end.  What we go through will forever change us and our teen- but you will have good times again and you will not be forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can honesty say I have gained a new perspective and I enjoy the little things way more. Thank you again for your wonderful message!

[silverlining]

Hi @sunflowermom ,

Thanks for your reply. I don't go on here super often. I also blink and have been working and parenting for a month sometimes it seems... Being able to take a holiday sounds amazing. I do hope you enjoyed it and with your other family members. It sounds like you really had earned it!

Yes I liked your comments & I have learned this last 18 months or so to look at the little things more too. The beauty driving around or just a good nights sleep.

I am not in full or even a medium crisis feeling tonight but am feeling a little ragged after my daughter stayed out all night in the streets over one of the nights of the weekend. She talks to me a fair bit and I will probably / hopefully hear what actually went on sometime later this week. I have to hope she can get through these risky behaviours. She is also showing some of the funny behaviour that can be before a not so good mental time, sleep patterns are out and she repeatedly writes a certain number. Time to check in with GP...She's in a very close close friendship with another girl, almost like an obsession and it seems they bring out the risk taking (or other things) in one another. This friend is in their own difficult situation or has behaviour that is ...I'll say tricky. The friend seems very much the dominant friend from my outside view.

Yes I would like to get away from the foot dropping feeling one day but it seems far away after this weekend and a few recent dramas, some seem to come direct from friend. My daughter is currently refusing to see a counsellor at the momment, though did for a year after the attempt time- we just had the one.... I do see a therapist myself, now the crisis has lightened and I have a little more time to myself. It helps to come up with strategies and get other ideas. I think I am feeling a bit isolated by my daughter's behaviour lately. I feel for her being more isolated too. Many former friends seem to have dropped away....Mental illness is just not something people stand around talking about on the school pick ups.

I hope things are good on your end with your daughter's schooling and it is so positive to hear it can come through to that place from extremes. I know you may have put an update elsewhere, but I hope it is a smooth week in your end of the world. 🌼🌻

[sunflowermom]

Dear @silverlining 

Thank you for the kind words.  Our vacation was amazing- very little drama which is a huge accomplishment with a teen and pre teen daughter. I have learned to slow the pace a bit too.  They really wanted to spend most of the day by the pool, nap  and eat pizza even though we were in Disneyland.  And I just let it be without judgement or having to control the situation.  Maybe some personal growth for me?

I am sorry you are feeling run a little ragged these days- I get that ( my daughter recently pulled an all nightery too, ughh)

I think its great that you are recognizing warning signs- its a skill we didn't have 2 years ago. So that actually might be a good thing.  I think we have to remember that even if there are signs it doesn't mean it has to slip all the way back down the rabbit hole.  Talk with her when you get those little brief fleeting moments.  I try to sneak them in before my daughter asks for money...lol

I am so glad you are in therapy even if she is refusing.  My daughter has not been for about three months and I am ok with that- but I continue therapy for my own sake. I think of it as permanent self care.

I hear whet you are saying about friends dropping off.  Its hard, but maybe they were only meant to be there for a season anyway?  Are there any good meet up groups in your area with your interests?  We still need adult connections.

This week I am taking my daughter shopping for a prom dress. It feels so crazy to me.  I never dared to imagine that things could get better.  But they do.

hugs

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom,

It has been a while since we checked in- how have you been? How is your daughter going?

Was thinking of you today and thought I would send a message to say hi! Hoping all is well 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Jess1-RO 

Thank you for checking in on us!  Things are going terrific- she finished her sophomore year with better than a C average, has a long term boyfriend, working on getting her driver license and a part time summer job.

Life has really turned around- and honestly a year ago I would not have believed it.  We recently celebrated her 16th birthday and I couldn't put my finger on the struggle I felt that day until I realized I did not think she would be alive by her 16th birthday.

She will sometimes still struggle with thoughts of self harm but voices it to me, she does smoke pot- and I am ok with it because she is not on any other medication, and I notice she doesn't like change of plans- it can get her upset or induce anxiety.  So even though everything is not perfect- these are certainly things that are easy to navigate in the big scheme of things.

I wish I could tell any parent going through nightmare struggles with their teen just hang on.  You WILL have to bend.  But you will get through and your family will have incredible growth and strength on the other side.