found pot for first time in daughter's room

[Ellie67]

I just found pot in my daughter's room. I was frantically looking for her driver's permit to set up a lesson and figured it might be in her safe. . . found pot instead. I have had conversations in the past about the dangers of marijuana, so am disappointed to find her trying it. She is very strong-willed. She is off to college in the fall. Any advice? 

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @Ellie67 

Thank you for coming to the forum to discuss this. We hear from many parents dealing with similar situations, so rest assured you are not alone in this struggle. It’s very understandable that you’d be worried about the discovery of cannabis in your daughter's safe. I can imagine you’re feeling even more concerned as your daughter is about to spread her wings and go to college. 

It’s great to hear that you’ve had open conversations about cannabis in the past, although I can see how this would add to your disappointment after finding it. I’m curious to know if you had noticed any concerning changes in your daughters' demeanour/behaviour prior to finding the cannabis. 

It sounds like a conversation about drugs might be worth revisiting. How do you feel about discussing it with her? I thought it might be helpful to share some of our resources on this. 

We’ve got an article called “How to talk about drugs with your teenager”  which has tips on how to approach the conversation. Another resource from The Alcohol and Drug Foundation goes into how to talk about drugs with a young person here. 

Let us know what you think and if you have any questions or ideas to chat through.

[Ellie67]

She is currently away, so I have time to calm down and think things through. One thing that will definitely be an issue for her is the fact I looked in her room--even though my reasoning for doing so was innocent. She has always hated it when I go into her room and I usually leave it alone. So there is this breach of privacy to deal with. She is very determined to think of herself as independent, too. As she is off to college in the fall, and I will not be able to monitor anything, I think I will stress the need for her to be as safe and healthy as possible (knowing that zero use is an unrealistic expectation as it is legal in the states we're in and where she's going to, for those over 21). But I know she's going to lose it at first. She does have quite a temper. . . . I have not noticed any change in behaviour, so that is a positive--perhaps it hasn't been going on long. At least, I hope so!

[Blake-RO]

Hey @Ellie67 

Thank you for sharing more about your situation with us. After reading through your posts it is very clear how much you care about your daughter and want the best for her and she is very lucky to have you!

It is clear that your concerns are coming out of a place of love and wanting to make sure that she is safe and making healthy decisions. In saying that, it is very understandable that you have these concerns around privacy and how she may respond, and it shows how much you want to respect her boundaries and care about her.

I’m wondering if you were able to find any useful tips or information about having this conversation from the article provided above? If you were wanting to have a look through some other articles, we have some around communication and building trust that you may find helpful. There’s also a really great one about setting realistic boundaries.

Again we want to thank you for being so honest and sharing this with us.