mental health, drug and alcohol abuse and violence to me and our home by my 15 year old daughter

[Justcantcope]

My 15 year old daughter has a whole world of issues. She has diagnosed mental health and is medicated, she is now abusing drugs and alcohol, she has been in fights but has now turned to anger and aggression towards me. I’m scared of her. She has cause 1000’s of dollars in damage to our rental property but if I say no or something she doesn’t like she gets aggressive and at times causes more damage. I feel like I’m being held hostage. She sees a counsellor weekly but this has been 4 years and due to recently being sexually assaulted she is getting so much worse. Any advice or help?? I don’t know how much more I can take!

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Justcantcope welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties your daughter is experiencing with her mental health, drugs and alcohol and being sexually assaulted. That is awful and no one should have to experience that. Has she reported the assault and spoken to her counsellor about it for some support? 

It sounds like a really challenging situation for both of you and heartbreaking to hear that she is being aggressive towards you and has caused damage to the property. I'm worried about your well-being as you mentioned you feel like you are being held hostage. Are you currently receiving any support yourself? I would recommend contacting 1800 RESPECT who offer counselling support for victims of violence and abuse. They have a telephone or webchat option available 24/7. I'm going to tag some of our members for further support and advice @sunflowermom @compassion @Helpful_Mum @taokat. We're here to listen and support you 

[Justcantcope]

Thank you so much for the response.
We have reported the sexual assault he was arrested and charged but there is still a long way to go with the legal side of things.
For me some days are good some are bad. I have an amazing support network but at times they just don’t understand and I feel like a burden.
Her dad is out of the picture so it’s just me. I’m juggling full time work with twin daughters. It can be crap.
It’s funny though after posting she had a minor meltdown, I waited for her to calm and then we just talked. It was nice, she was calm and honest. I’ve had a great day with her today but it’s like a false sense of security cause tomorrow may be the complete opposite!
Thanks for listening.

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Justcantcope

I am  so sorry you are going through this.  I am so glad you have a strong support system, but I totally understand when you say you don't want to burden them.  I am that way too- But we need to reach out to our support and model that behavior for our daughters.  I can tell through your post that you are an amazing, strong, loving mom.  I know their behavior can leave us feeling so broken at times.

I am so happy to hear that you two had a good talk yesterday.  I am sure that brings you great hope.  I used to always worry when the other shoe was going to drop after a good day- but I'm getting better and taking one day at a time and just appreciate those good times- even if they only come in small bursts.

Hugs- we are here to listen!  You are not alone.

[Dad4good]

Hi @Justcantcope,

So sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like a trying time for both you and your daughter.

I can only talk from my experience with my 14 year old son (which may not apply to you). I don't know what the answer is, but perhaps one option is for you to inform the police about her behavior towards you and the property damage.

The police did this in our case (i.e., they submitted a domestic violence intervention order against my son). At the time, I wasn't sure I could do it (it felt like I was throwing him under the bus . . .) but it does send a message that "no one deserves to be threatened or assaulted" and helps remind my son that what he is doing is not acceptable.

It is such a tough situation. I really hope that everything works out for you, which ever course of action you chose to take.

Best of luck, thoughts are with you  

[Alexendra]

Hi @Justcantcope I really felt bad for you , you had been experiencing a lot of difficulties because of your daughter condition .Have you resolve this problem & how are your daughter now .Waiting for positive response from your side .

[Alexendra]

How is your daughter right now … I am eager to know her current health status. waiting for reply 

[Justcantcope]

So much has changed!! We moved house, the days leading up to that she was pretty bad and would not come home. The night we got the keys some friends helped move a heap of stuff so my other daughter and I could stay in the new house. I rang this daughter and gave her the option to join us but under my rules. No more drugs, no more drinking, no more abuse or violence. She agreed. We have worked hard and I allowed her to continue to smoke cigarettes but in 10 months I have not called police, no property damage and no drugs or drinking. We communicate a lot better. I did tell her before this was her last chance and if she went back to old ways I would be done. She is not perfect (who is) and still gets angry sometimes but we calm and talk through it! It doesn’t escalate like it did before. I must also say before she was on 3 different meds for her mental health. She is now unmedicated and has been for 9 months, only seeing a counsellor monthly and going ok!
Thank you for asking!

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Justcantcope,

Thank you for checking back in with us, and thank you to @Alexendra for following up

It sounds like there has been a lot of healing, growth and huge steps forward for your family- this is fantastic to hear! I’m hearing it has been a long road with a lot of love and energy on your part to get your daughter to this point; a real testament to you and your strength as a parent

It really gives me, and so many parents reading, hope that things can get better! If you had one piece of advice for other parents who might be going through something similar, what would it be?

Thank you again for checking in, brought a big smile to my face to hear how things have improved!