struggling with 13 year old son

[lizard0812]

I’m trying to shield my daughter at the moment whilst she doing exams cause she does get very upset by his behavior and how much he hurts me mentally. I honestly don’t know where to turn to anymore or even how to deal with this anymore. I am terrified to move forward to be honest just waiting for the next thing. Thanks again for the support

[lizard0812]

Here I am again feeling very low and bit like a failure. I am doing everything I can to help and support my son. Have been to the school and gained their support in dealing with things. Now all I have is a son that won’t tell me anything doesn’t seem to want to even talk to me, if he does he is very irritated and angry in his tone. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up with everything. At times I feel maybe it’s all in my head but I know my son and I’m worried. Just needed to get this off my chest thanks for listening

[Lan-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @lizard0812 I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, it sounds like a tough time. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation and I'm certain down the track your son will look back and realise how much love and support you have given him. I would encourage some self-care right now and it's really important that you look after yourself during this time. I'm going to tag some members for support @Happy @Moggy3kids @Helpful_Mum @hippy_mum We're here for you 

[lizard0812]

Thanks for quick reply Lan-RO I can only hope my son will realize one day but it surely doesn’t feel like it at the moment. I know I should look after myself and do something nice for me but at this point I can think of none of that. It’s not about me right now I just wish he could see that. I know he is a teenager and they are selfish but this is my baby and it hurts so much that I can’t fix this

[Moggy3kids]

Hi @lizard0812

Oh boy he is giving you a hard time at the moment! The risk taking behaviours such as smoking can often be from wanting to fit in with his peers. Do you know his friendship group well? With my two boys I often noticed that big swings in out of character behaviour often occurred when there were new friends on the scene. I hear what you are saying about how much it hurts to have your baby boy act in this way. It was much simpler when we could fix things with super hero pajamas and hot milo. By just being there as a constant you are providing protective factors that help balance his risk ones at the moment. I know it doesn't feel like it but you are doing great mumma. 

[lizard0812]

Yeah he sure is at the moment @Moggy3kids. I don’t know his friendship groups that well. I know his regular one which are his age but not these older ones. I am a constant but he is not interested
I am the bad guy apparently. Such a horrible way to feel that we can’t help them like we idea to be able to

[Moggy3kids]

We definitely are the bad ones when they feel we are holding them back or don’t understand . If it helps any , they like you again eventually. Hang in there

[lizard0812]

Yeah I guess he will eventually but it certainly doesn’t feel like it now that’s for sure. I try to be positive but it’s just so so hard at this time

[Breez-RO]

@lizard0812 it is incredibly hard, despite logically knowing about the hormones and brain development it does not stop the behaviour from hurting. The balance of boundaries and love when dealing with disrespectful behaviour is no easy feat. As with @Moggy3kids it will most definitely swing back round eventually. The imperative thing is your own self-care, your own safe space away from the kids. Even if it's just fifteen minutes with a book to start out.

I have found yoga really beneficial, is there anything you enjoy that focuses on mind and body etc?

[lizard0812]

Things are getting out of control. 6 days in a row of going to school being present for a while and leaving. Loads of phone calls to his phone from one number. Worrying messages on his phone about giving money for “stuff” as they put it. Interview with procipal showed and stated all our concerns they were going to get the police involved if the number belonged to an adult. They called the number for a young kid to answer - which I suspect was not the actual owner of the phone as I have since discovered overnight the actual owner of the phone is a 17 year old with a bad history. My son is not street wise at all we suspect these older boys have found him to be a good target. I’m at a real loss now. I have tried to talk to my son he just tells me nothing is going on they are just his mates and he will never ever snitch on anybody. I suggested even if he is not doing anything being there with them will render him as being involved in whatever it is they are doing. I’m sorry for the long post but have people experienced their usually good kids lying so well and so much just to protect others even at the cost of themselves ??