12 yr old daughter who wants to be a boy

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12 yr old daughter who wants to be a boy

Hello all, Our daughter is 12 yrs old and wants to be a boy. We both feel she is a confused pre teen who is getting lots of information from her friends and the internet. 

Today the school rang me and told us that my daughter has told the teachers that she wants to be refereed to as He and Him and not She and Her. My husband is so upset that his baby girl is this way. 

We are trying very hard to be supportive but are finding this hard and don`t really know what to say to her. 

She has so many feminine traits like using makeup and wearing pretty dresses so we don`t know what to think.

She has not started her menstrual cycle yet so am wondering when that happens she may have another think about what she wants.


Any help would be appreciated 


Re: 12 yr old daughter who wants to be a boy

Hey there @robmay71, can definitely be a hard place to sit as it's fairly common for kids to explore genders and gender roles. How does she respond when you open this up for discussion? It sounds like you are really trying to respect her which is a beautiful thing. I will tag some other members to provide their experiences as well Smiley Happy


We also have ReachOut parents coaching which can support you through this and provide you some further insight in how to strategise around this stage with your daughter.


We're here to listen and to support you Heart 


@Zoesplace @taokat @Chalke5


Parent Peer Supporter

Re: 12 yr old daughter who wants to be a boy

Hey @robmay71, welcome to the forum. I can only imagine how confusing this must be for you. As @Breez-RO though, it's fantastic that you're supportive of her. It's also great that she feels she can talk to you both and it'll be so beneficial keeping those lines of communication open. She's lucky to have such loving parents.


I think you being unsure of what to say is completely understandable - there are so many aspects of parenting pre/teens that are alien to us as parents! I thought you might like to have a look at some info ReachOut has put together on sexuality and gender identity here


There's another thread here from parents who've had similar experiences. 


I hope that can be of some help to you Smiley Happy


Re: 12 yr old daughter who wants to be a boy

Hey there @robmay71 how are you feeling today? How's your daughter?

Community Manager

Re: 12 yr old daughter who wants to be a boy

Hey @robmay71 - I'm wondering how you are also...


It can be a very confusing time, but you both aren't alone. In fact @MelbMumofTwo is a great source of info on this...


Also, check out this video we made




Also, do you mind letting us know what state you are in? We might be able to recommend some resources.