How best to support gay teenager who has come out at school

[motherbear]

Hi there @hashtagmum . I understand your need to be protective over your son going on camp. Coming out will be a defining moment in his life and the experiences that come along with his new way of being in the world are very important and  wanting to protect him from any negative bullying experiences is very normal . I would be very vigilant too ! As Mums the Motherbear comes out in us when we see our little ones growing into  independent beings and they are threatened in some way and the fact that this " school culture " is not one he feels safe with would compound your worry enormously! I think you have done as much as you can so far . Good on you for putting some safety nets in place .We are a culture in progress when it comes to homosexuality and each new coming out is  a step , lesson , and test,  in changing attitude and understanding  in the ripples of community .  He is brave and strong and has a right to acceptance and love . If he continues to be bullied at the school and they do nothing substantial I would think  it would be wise to move him again . As much as you want him to be resilient and to find ways to survive , long term bullying can have enormous detrimental effects well into his adult life . It's not worth the risk in my view . Your beautiful boy is too precious .  Some school are a great at bully management others only have dormant policies and give you lip service . I am sure you will be able to suss this out soon enough . 

Two of the most wonderful people in my life are gay and their journey has been a hard one , I love them dearly and wish they had had the awareness and support available back when they were establishing their identities and  facing a critical world . The more we delay dealing with the bigotry of society the longer it takes our loved ones to  live as their authentic selves . The world must change not your gorgeous son . You are doing the right thing let us know how you go . 🙂

[hashtagmum]

Thank you, @Serapis22 and @motherbear.  Pleased to report that he seems to have had a really great time on camp and didn't have any dramas with anyone, actually made some new friends, including with some girls from the other school they went with (one of the keys to his popularity at this new school seems to be that he "knows lots of girls" which many of the others don't).  Fingers crossed that things continue to be okay next term as I really would like him to stay at this school - really good learning support for one thing which I think will help with his overall confidence.  Have put in a request for him to see the school psychologist once school goes back and have yet to mention the LGBTI youth group I found.  He and my husband are going camping Easter week so that should be a good chance for the two of them to talk about things together.  

[Serapis22]

Hi hashtagmum
Great stuff hashtagmum your son has wonderful open minded parents. Bonding with dad & son while camping will be spectacular.

[Ngaio-RO]

That's wonderful news @hashtagmum And that's awesome that he clearly has a way of making young women feel at ease in his company so they become his friend. He could teach the other boys a thing or two!!

It would be amazing if you could start a new thread to discuss how things are with the school when he returns. Here at Reach Out we recognise how hard things can be for young people who identify as GLBTIQ and what a difference it can make to their overall sense of well-being if they feel supported. Your son clearly has loving, supportive parents, by keeping the discussion going, you could provide valuable guidance to other parents who may be struggling.

[taokat]

Hi @hashtagmum, I just wanted to check in and see how things were going. 

How has school been for your son lately? I hope you've both been getting support.

We're missing you on the forum!

[hashtagmum]

Thanks Taokat.  Actually things have been pretty non-eventful.  He is still taking some time to settle in at the school but no teasing or anything like that.  He wasn't interested in going to the youth group but the offer is there if he changes his mind at some stage.  Actually not interested in discussing the topic at all.  That's fine though, I think.  

[taokat]

It's great to hear from you @hashtagmum. Non-eventful is good! We like that! 

If he knows the offer is there I think that's as much as you can do really. With your open lines of communication he knows he can come to you to talk if he needs to.

I'm so happy your son is not being teased or bullied at school. If there is anything we can support you with in helping him settle into let us know. 

[hashtagmum]

Thank you, Taokat!  

[taokat]

My pleasure @hashtagmum 

[Susan444]

Hello,   sometimes I think its me,  as a single mother with son and daughter,  I wake up in am and now my daughter is having sex with her gf,  she is 17 and what do I say,  it gets complicated.  I stay at home take car of my 16yo son.  these girls I lov,  but they are naked.     it gotta be my fault.    I need me time but not with a slow son.   just venting,  I could scream somedays..............