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How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

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Casual scribe
Newdad

How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

Exactly what the subject says.. I recently got into a relationship with a wonderful woman who is pregnant and due in 5 months how do I prepare myself for raising a child thats not mine what should or shouldn't I do.. i kinda scared her earlier today by voicing thoughts and feelings about how im suppose to raise it like its my own. and I guess I need an outlet and I didnt have my parents in my life very much so I need help to prepare.. we are also both under 26.. what can I do to be there for her and the baby and make her feel at ease in these stressful times.. i am reading the baby books right now.
Community Manager
Bre-RO

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

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Hey @Newdad  thank you for coming here to get some support with this. I can imagine there are lots of emotions and thoughts you're having at the moment. I did want to let you know that we may not be the best space to chat about this as our scope is teenagers - however there is an amazing site that has a lot of self-help articles for new families. Here is a link to Raising Childrens Network. All their content is broken down into different stages from pregnancy to new born and beyond. They would also have some stuff on blended families! Let us know how you go with the website. 

Active scribe
ChinaPhile

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

I'm raising two adopted teenagers and have been through a loooooong process of education and scrutiny to be successful in being able to adopt in the first place.

For starters no child is really "our own" they are their own little cocktail of genes and all they need is love and support. Sounds like you are well on the way. Most of all enjoy it, even the tough times because parenting is seriously the toughest job of all, but it's also the most rewarding.

Casual scribe
Newdad

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

Thank you i checked it out and it was very helpful. I'll continue to use it
Casual scribe
Newdad

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

thanks for your reply I appreciate your advice ill keep it in mind.
Active scribe
DadStress

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

Honestly man, biology is a tiny tiny part of being a dad.

 

I’d  suggest your Concerns may be more about become a dad period verses it being biologically yours?

 

if you’re with this woman and you love her, you’re ready to be a father.... forget the baby’s origins and just step up to the plate. 

being a parent is extremely challenging but also very amazing too....

Active scribe
blueskies

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

Just a quick reply of support to say keep moving forward focusing on the excitement. I became a parent at 21 (by choice) and have never looked back. It's hard but rewarding. I felt fears that were a very normal part of the process.
When this baby arrives you will feel things you've never felt before (in a great way). I never knew I could love someone as much as I do in a totally different way to my partner.
You are about to receive a very exciting role of being dad. This baby wont see you as anything else and biology really does means nothing. 

Active scribe
ChinaPhile

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

Wow! I love Blueskies reply! So very true. When my first adopted baby arrived I discovered an entire room of love inside my heart just for her. Then when my second adopted baby was due I was terrified that I might not have enough love for her - low and behold! I discovered an entire room of love inside my heart just for her.

Also, don't let peoples' lack of education offend you, just keep educating them in the nicest possible way. I don't know how many times people have told me I'm not my daughters' "real mother". I've been my eldest daughters' "real mother/ forever mother" for 17 years and 1 month, 24/7 - that's very REAL.

(What they mean is that I'm not the "biological mother")

Frequent scribe
AmberP

Re: How to prepare myself to raise a baby thats not mine

Hello! I feel you. As a foster child, I can say that it's not very difficult. My parents went through a bunch of checks and courses before they adopted me, and I have always been grateful to them for that. Love is not divided into "I love mine" and "I love not mine", it's just love. I am sure everything will be fine. 

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