I don't know what to do anymore

[Hedwig]

Since my second child was born (2 years ago) I've been a different person. My husband and I decided a second so soon (1 year apart) was ok because he was going to be off work for 6 weeks and he was already so involved with our first. Then he took a new job which meant no time off. New job also consisted of extensive travel and it was like that for most of my second born's life up until now. I have struggled to cope with it on my own. I've turned into an inpatient, angry, exhausted "mother". I've screamed at my second child so much out of complete and utter frustration. Every day I regret having them so close together. So often over the last 2 years I've thought about how much better off they would be without me. They deserve so much better than me. They are beautiful children that deserve a better mother and I'm at the point where I feel like I would be doing them good to not be in their life. I can't do anything right and feel like I'm failing them by being around.

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Hedwig I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like things have been really difficult for you for a while and that you are understandably feeling exhausted. It must be quite challenging raising two young children and not being able to have support from your partner as he is busy with work. Do you have any family or friends around you that have been able to help you with this?

Feeling like you are failing your children sounds like a really tough feeling to sit with. I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling that way. Is there anyone that you have felt comfortable talking to about some of these thoughts that you have been having?

I also just wanted to let you know that I will be sending you an email shortly, so please keep an eye out for that .

[Dazza]

I'm sorry to hear your situation,I believe your already on your way up because your certainly not in denial, you are owning your feelings. I can imagine you would be exhausted,raising 2 kids is a tough gig. Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? Only asking that because if my wife told me she was feeling those feelings,I would be shattered and do anything in my power to help her,even if it meant quitting my job. Maybe your anger and frustration is at your husband and unfortunately the kids are coping the brunt of it. You sound very genuine and honest, most people would make every excuse for their actions, but you don't. If you have good friends and family you need to reach out,I'm sure they would help. Try this,next time you're feeling angry or frustrated try and stop for a minute, close your eyes and identify your feeling,whether it's anger, frustration etc,then ask yourself why am I frustrated, it might be your overwhelmed with what you need to do that day. Now you can say to yourself " It's OK to be frustrated " For me,once I've identified my feelings, and what might be making me feel that way, it knocks that feeling out of your stomach and I accept it. Good luck,hope things work out for you