My son (12 years)rather spend time with friends than parents

[dursak]

In the last 6 months I have seen him only several times .The mother also claim that he does not like spending time with her like before.She also believe 'thats normal for a child of 12 years old that prefer to spend more time with his friends than his parents'.We have court arrangement in place but those have not been working.Once my son stated to me that 'you and mumm ruined my life'.I tried to explain him that couples can separate and that can happen for a number of reasons.I also told him that we love him and have been doing anything...his mother would purchase anything he likes ,which i disagree in principle but she seems to wanting to show him how much she loves him.

Anyhow ,I feel concerned because he seems to slipping way from his parents .?  

[PapaBill]

Hi @dursak 

As our children move into teens it is normal for them to be interested in spending time with their friends.

I too had a relationship breakdown that left my son with split parents at a similar age.

I found that for my son and I that if I provided him advanced notice of activities I wanted him to engage in... shared chores, outings, family events etc. it worked much better.

I found him reluctant to engage but I persisted and when we did actually engage he enjoyed it and now he is older he is very glad we had those times.

Keeping the discussions on why your ex and you seperated is very good idea.  Kids needs to be shielded from that.  Telling your son you love him is important.  He needs to know that men can show love as well!

With regard to "Your ruined my life" that is obviously not the truth and if he said it only once, I suggest you put it down to been a teen and move on with positive conversations.

It sounds like you are a loving caring dad who wants to spend time with your boy.  That is great, keep it up!

Remember it teens are notoriously bad communicators and you need to cut them some slack as they go through growing up (btw that doesn't mean throwing out the rules )

[dursak]

Hi PapaBill ,

Thank you very much for  taking the time to  sharing your thoughts and your experience .As you mentioned we need to be clear with them for some activities and also allow our children to get involved  and have their say because they want to feel inclusive .

In fact my son invited me this the morning  to play soccer with his two best friends and get to know their parents-I thanked him for doing that and congratulated for the awesome idea.

There is so much we can learn from each others in this forum -share our experiences and ideas so our kids grow healthy.

Thanks again

[sivaruthvik90]

It sounds like you are a loving caring dad who wants to spend time with your boy. Just need to spend more time communicate with him, he'll understand more.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @dursak,

Couldn't agree more with what you have said here: "There is so much we can learn from each others in this forum -share our experiences and ideas so our kids grow healthy.". Having a space to share and create new meaning together is so important.

I am so glad to hear that your son invited you to play soccer with him. Is this an activity you have done together before? How did it go? It sounds like introducing you to his friends parents is his way of reaching out to try and bring you into his world- a very big step  

Are there any other activities that you have previously enjoyed together?