Parenting disagreements between grandparents

[Taurteago]

My son is just over one and a half and recently my Mum has been hounding me because he doesn't do what she says or listen. For example she will tell him "No don't do that!" And she will just keep telling him that thinking he will get it but he doesn't he would keep doing it forever, I on the other hand will tell him "No" a couple of times and then remove the situation from him. For example he loves getting on the table so I removed access to the chairs. I have baby gates in places like the toilet and stuff for obvious reasons and she wants me to remove them and start "Parenting him" am I in the wrong for using baby gates? Should I make my job harder as a parent and give him access to all these potentially dangerous places and watch him like a hawk?
I'm conflicted and I hate arguing with my mum about my parenting skills. Please help.

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Taurteago, 

I can imagine it would be really frustrating to have your mum constantly trying to correct/dismiss your parenting style, particularly when you've found iti's worked really well for you so far. From what it sounds like you're someone who really loves and wants the best for their child, and at the end of the day I think that's all that really matters. I am sure in a couple of years time no one will even remember the little things like when you decided to take the baby gates off etc. It might be a good idea to tell your mum how her comments are making you feel, and that they aren't appreciated or asked for. While I am sure it won't be the easiest of conversations, it might be best to let her know that the constant bickering is really upsetting you, and that at the end of the day, your son is your child, and you are allowed to raise him in a way that works best for both you and him. 

I hope it goes well! Let us know how you go

[JAKGR8]

I hear you. Unfortunately, this is going to happen. 

It sounds to me like you doing a great job. He is only a toddler. It is important to have rules and routines and follow through.  

Children need to learn self discipline skills before they start school or they rarely do. By lecturing a parent takes that away. By reminding and redirecting you are giving them some of these skills. There will be time for both. 

Now, how to stop your mum...You can listen and acknowledge her thoughts and experience.  You could even do lots of nodding and smiling.  Thank her for the suggestion and tell her you'll consider it. Then say you use it some of the time and your way the rest. She is still parenting you btw otherwise she wouldn't be telling you what to do. Funny isn't it. Maybe you could tell her that and ask her how it is working for her   Also I used to tell MIL that the doctor said blah blah blah. She just didn't know it was Dr Bill Sears, author and parenting expert on the internet. Never met but loved his books. 

Good luck and keep up the good work.