Parenting...feeling alone in my family for being restrictive

[Talkaboutkid]

I feel like I am being driven away and separated in my family. Tonight my sons dad decided to put on the movie "super bad" infront of our 14 year old son and then goes saying " oh your mom is not going to like you watching this. Oh it us the same stuff he learned in sex Ed at school. And oh ha ha this is just as bad as the grand theft auto she won't let you play" this sucks and I feel like his dad is making my son look at me like a looser restrictive parent. I feel sad and alone in my family. 

[Erin-RO]

Hi @Talkaboutkid I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds like you're feeling pretty unsupported and maybe a little undermined in your parenting? Have you been able to chat to your son's dad about how this makes you feel? And if not do you think if he knew how much it was hurting you, he would try to be more mindful?

[Talkaboutkid]

I think it hard enough with my son growing up and apart....I feel that his dad did not need to do that...he knew before he left that movie on that I wouldn't approve....I feel he set me up to look bad and widen the distance of the relationship between me and my son.....I think his dad thinks it is funny 

so I spoke to his dad this morning he said " I don't think our son thinks you are a bad parent from not wanting him to watch movie. I knew you didn't want him watching it that is why I turned the movie off" but in my head I'm think yeah but not before letting him watch 20 min then going ha ha your mom is not liking this then our son going to bed saying aww I wanted to see what would happen in movie. His dad said " this is only a little thing you shouldn't be upset over."

i am still upset and feel that this is just going to happen again and again. That his dad understands how I feel yet disregards it.  thinks it is funny to make joke out of me trying to    Restrict certain things for our son. I'm not asking for his dad to agree but have the respect towards me. 

[Talkaboutkid]

Thank you for your advice 

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Talkaboutkid,

That sounds like a really difficult situation you are in, and I can hear how it could feel undermining. It can be really hard when you are put in a "good cop" "bad cop" situation. 

It's really great to see that you could speak to your son's father about the situation. Respect is important and it is good that you could speak up about it.

You mentioned earlier that you were feeling really alone in your family. Do you have any other supports such as friends or extended family that you can speak to and get some support? It can be really hard to feel like you are alone in trying situations, and I hope that we can support you through these forums to feel more connected and understood

[taokat]

Hi @Talkaboutkid, I really feel for you and it must be such an upsetting and frustrating situation to be in. I haven't got much more to add to what @Erin-RO and @Jess1-RO have said, except to say that it might be a good idea to talk with your husband again and explain how it makes you feel when he does the things he does. 

Do you think he's trying to be your son's friend instead of his parent? That could be something else to explore with your husband? It'd be great if he could understand that you both need to stand as a united front and back each other up, especially in front of your son. 

All your thoughts and feelings are valid and I'm so sorry you're not feeling respected. Do you think he would be open to counselling to help you both work through these issues together? It's an awful way to feel, and I really hope you can get through to your husband. 

[brightstar89]

I can understand how you are feeling. It happens in my family too. Sometimes, we unknowingly hurt someone and when someone comments on your parenting, you are bound to feel annoyed. My question to you is that 'Is your son's dad always talking you down in front of your son?'. If it was a one-time thing, then you should communicate with your son's dad and let him know how you feel. But if deliberately insults your parenting, then we have a real problem.  If your son repeatedly sees that you are badly treated by his dad, it could affect his psychology and affect the way he treats women in the future. 

[Mumsa]

You are the right one here and try not to doubt yourself. They actually need you to set the boundaries. It's no fun having to always play that role. Hang in there and keep praying