Staying strong on decisions

[Needadvice]

My patner has a 10 yr old daughter . I am struggling with him not staying committed to our decisions as a family. I feel I have no say in what happens in our home and all he wants to do is be the fun Dad which is causing manipulation and angst. Any advice would really help.

[Sally-RO]

Hey there @Needadvice sorry it seems that you have been put into a hard position. Do you have other children in your family (yours, or your partner and yours) other than his 10 year old daughter?

[Needadvice]

He also has a toddler

[Sally-RO]

I see, I'm sorry it seems you've been put in a position of being on the "outside" - even though you are the other adult in the family unit.

[Sister]

Hi @Needadvice,

Sorry to read about your struggles. It must be frustrating for you not having a voice within the family.

Have you initiated conversation with your partner around this issue? Perhaps communication could be the key. Let him know how you feel if you haven't done this already. Alternatively, does he have a brother or family friend you could talk to about this? Sometimes, it can take someone else to point out angsts. Although....you naturally need to do this tactfully without him feeling other people are interfering with your family situation.

Try the communicating with him first. In a calm environment away from the children.

[Needadvice]

That is exactly how I feel and he gets on the defensive and accuses me of trying to be in control of everything but it’s the communication on what is happening and if plans change, I give him that courtesy.

He asked me to put things in play for structure and when his daughter is unhappy he will change it To suit which again makes me feel like an outsider (housemate) and like it’s all behind my back

[Needadvice]

What else can I try I am at breaking point. Please help

[Sally-RO]

I think a great place to start might be calling ParentLine - you might find it helpful to go through all the details and what your feeling with a professional and then hopefully be guided towards some resources that are in your local area by them.

Have you heard of the service?

[Needadvice]

Thank you I will try that, just feel helpless especially when I have tried everything and as I am not a mother it’s even harder.

[Kerry36]

Hey there I would say stand your ground hun your the adult in this relationship and family and I say the mum should always have the say anyways xx