TW : Cutting off my daughter because of her behavior

[Annttngr]

I know how it feels I lost my daughter to BPD she attempted on her life so many times. And I feel like I've lost her. she is violent and verbally abusive. She hates me and I have been in this roller coaster for so long I just can’t do it anymore she now 28 and acts like a 12 year old . It’s very hard to give them the unconditional love and support with out getting affected. I am now trying to help my mental health from this chaos and I keep myself away . Because it’s extremely damaging. I cry a lot I pray . She used to be so loving at some point she became so bitter and blames me for everything. We have gone to therapy done everything but she uses her dad a lot and he enables her. My heart to everyone in this awful nightmare. As to what I know she was abused by my mother and later I found out my mother also has BPD. I don’t speak to her. I came here to find other parents suffering like myself. If I was to let her she would hit me . But I fight back not that it helps her manic episode are completely off the chain. She gets violent and the verbal starts getting worse she snatches things out of my hands has kicked me out . It just goes on and on and on . She takes mood medication which has helped her self-harming but her attitudes is the same. At times she carries a great conversation but when I set boundaries it’s just as I just mess with fire and got burned. I can’t keep living like this .I can’t continue being punished or her punching bag. It’s very hard to distance myself but I have no other choice. When she needs she starts calling my anxiety is so bad I now suffer depression as well. She now wants me dead and wishes me to die. I have been such a good mother but I am so tired . I hope I can shed a light to someone.I had to cut her off my life. ... View

[Dem--RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Annttngr, 

I did respond to your other post, but wanted to reiterate here as well about how sorry I am that you have had to deal with this situation with your daughter. 

As you mentioned that her dad enables her, and that your mother also has BPD - Do you have any support through other family members/friends, or do you see a therapist or counsellor for your anxiety and depression.

And again, to reiterate, are you comfortable contacting the Police if she comes back into your life and the situation escalates? As you mentioned about her past violence. It's really good that you are setting boundaries, and we want you to remain safe. Has she been calling you recently?

[Dem--RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Annttngr, 

I did respond to your other post, but wanted to reiterate here as well about how sorry I am that you have had to deal with this situation with your daughter. 

As you mentioned that her dad enables her, and that your mother also has BPD - Do you have any support through other family members/friends, or do you see a therapist or counsellor for your anxiety and depression.

And again, to reiterate, are you comfortable contacting the Police if she comes back into your life and the situation escalates? As you mentioned about her past violence. It's really good that you are setting boundaries, and we want you to remain safe. Has she been calling you recently?

[Annttngr]

Yes I do keep communications , I haven’t given up but I don’t know anymore what to do. I try to validate her hurting, with going to therapy. Setting up boundaries learning about BPD so it’s a lot of trials and errors. Do I wish a magic wand would bring her back to me ? Absolutely but the violence is a concern. So we opted to distance for now to get proper help .

[Blake-RO]

Hi @Annttngr 

We are relieved to hear that you are safe! 

I understand how hard it must be for you to distance yourself but it’s great that you have and have created these boundaries. Creating boundaries is really important and it's important that you look after yourself and safety.