Why your grumpy teen doesn't want to talk to you

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Parent Peer Supporter

Why your grumpy teen doesn't want to talk to you

Hands up who hasn't asked this question of their teen at some point! Anyone, anyone?! 

 

Approved by ReachOut, I'd love to share this article from the New York Times, as I think it holds the answers and explanations we are searching out as parents. 

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/15/well/family/why-your-grumpy-teenager-doesnt-want-to-talk-to-you.h...

 

After reading about the four reasons given as to why our teens don't want to talk to us, they all actually make total sense to me. The one that really stood out to me though was 'They worry we'll have the wrong reaction' - probably because this is one I'm very aware of and one that requires a lot of effort at times to not react the way my daughter worries I will!! 

 

I also loved the teenager's quote about why he doesn't want to talk to his mum about issues at school. 

 

I'm really interested to see what other parents think - do these explanations make sense to you? Do they answer the question for you? 

 

 

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Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Why your grumpy teen doesn't want to talk to you

hi @taokat

 

Interesting article - I think though there can be other things behind why teens seem unwilling to talk.

 

My 16 year old daughter used to tell me everything and the past few months she is becoming more the typical sullen and uncooperative teen. 

 

I think the simple fact that she thinks I wont get it is a big part. She seems to think we are worlds apart and maybe we are?  She resists so many of my ideas and thoughts these days that I think the talking is becoming less and less because she just feels that I wont understand. Its like she sees me talking and is already eye rolling.

 

Also I think its to do with that phase of separating from mum.  Shes wanting to be her own person. Find who she is and what she looks like WITHOUT me. (except for when her world caves in and then I might get a cuddle and she'll tell me everything like the ol days).  Along with this separation phase - I think she has other people now much closer and who naturally "get her"  - so she is probably not wanting to go through it all with me when she just wants to talk to one of her friends.

 

So while I do think that article covers some really valid reasons, I think there's other dynamics going on for adolescents that cause this block of communication.

 

Would love to hear what some other members think?

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Why your grumpy teen doesn't want to talk to you

Thanks for your thoughts @Beingme2017, and you've raised some intersting points. 

 

I'm keen to hear what other parents think too.

Community Manager

Re: Why your grumpy teen doesn't want to talk to you

Hey @taokat, I'm weighing in only as a God parent here (of a freshly minted teenager, who has been acting like one for a while now), but I really liked this line:

 

"We don't take our adolescents' viruses personally and we probably shouldn't take their grumpy moods personally, either. Happily some of the support we offer the flu-stricken also works when teenagers come down with grouchy silence. Without delving into what's wrong, we can ask if there is anything we can do to help them feel better."

 

I've long been preparing myself for the day when I'm not my the favourite toy of the kids in my life (because in growing up they gather friends and hobbies and sports interests that don't include me), but I think this line will be very helpful next time I get totally rejected in favour of them running off to be alone or with friends.

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Why your grumpy teen doesn't want to talk to you

Thanks for contributing @Danielle-RO. You've got it all ahead of you! 

 

It's not fun when our teens start rejecting us, but it does help to understand why it happens and how to deal with it.