Young age non binery

[Collyflower89]

I have 3 kids age 11 10 and 4 my girl who’s my oldest has talked a lot about the lgbt community she watches a lot of it on you tube and tik tok ans has often said she is bisexual anyway most people have said just to ignore it as she is young and probally doesn’t know what she is anyway she is preparing for leaving juniors and this is where the real problem occurred she says she is non binery and wants to wear a suit for her leavers do I don’t have any issues with this I’m just worried this might be an age thing rather than generally her knowing what her identity is please help advice me what I’m doing please
Don’t judge me as I just don’t know enough about this identity process I just want my child to be happy no matter what

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Collyflower89 (love this username!)

Thank you so much for this post, I think it is really wonderful how deeply you care about your child and want to get some more information to be able to best support her. 

It is so lovely that your child has shared their sexuality and gender identity with you, its such a testament to the relationship of trust and love that you two clearly have together. And it is such an honour to be invited into that with a young person. 

I understand you have some questions around her age and knowing her identity. Gender identity and sexuality can certainly be things that are sometimes fluid throughout a persons life, but it is really important that when someone tells us about their identity that we validate that and support it by believing them. Other ways to support your child could be to ask about their preferred pronouns and support how they express their gender through what they wear - its awesome that your child wants to wear a suit and explore how they express themself. Is this something you would feel comfortable supporting them with?

I also do want to mention that I have a number of people in my life who identify as non-binary and have known this from a very young age. We have some awesome content about supporting gender diverse young people which I will link here, i hope you find it helpful.

I would also love to share that at ReachOut we have a lot of staff who identify as LGBTQIA+ and we had a lovely discussion over on our youth forum  a few months ago that I think a lot of parents would benefit from reading about. I will link it here so you can have a look and learn about how what they have overcome and advice they would give to their younger selves.

[Collyflower89]

Thank you so much for your reply we have always had quite the open relationship they have always been able to come and speak to me about anything it’s the way I’ve brought I’m kids up I’m hoping the boys will be exactly the same way always wanted them to know they are truly loved and supported in their decisions depending on if I think they can be made them selfs or if I’ve needed to intervene even as small as letting them decide what meals they want to to eat I know this is no comparison to the discussion yes I’m happy to support their decision to wear a suit they chose a lovely one last night they wanted to wear the school have said that most kids are quite accepting which I think was another worry of myself how other kids would react so I think that has also
Opened my mind up this child imparticular is a very smart and has a wise head knows what they want and speaks their own mind the school are going to have a chat with them too and see where they are at with this (not sure they will thank me ) for this support but I thought it was something we needed to investigate further so if they are serious then we can definately chat more about it and take the appropriate steps to support them fully I don’t know much about this subject so I will defiantely read up on what you have sent me which I really really do appreciate I’m just a lost mum trying to support her child as much as I possibly can but want to do it right xxx

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Collyflower89, it is great to hear that you have always had an open relationship with your children. I can tell that you really love your children and want them to be as happy as possible. It is also awesome to hear that a lot of other kids are quite accepting. It can be hard to not know where you fit in or how you feel about yourself, so being supported by those around you can make a massive difference. The best way of supporting any young person is by asking what they need from you and how you can help. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job so far