16 yr old daughter

[cchurting]

Im not sure if it’s cuz shes being a difficult teenager I nvr expected this behavior from my daughter. So here it goes; I keep on replaying those words in my head “nameless birth-giver”. I can’t believe my daughter just called me her nameless birth-giver?! I was in labor for 12 hours, gave birth to her natural and felt the most excruciating pain a woman could ever endure. Yet, she calls me her nameless birth-giver. I held her for the first time I knew all that I had gone through was the best thing ever! Then, they took her away cuz she was having problems breathing. It was the happiest yet scariest moment in my life. Next day, I went to go visit her in the intensive care unit; its protocol she was doing great but I was weak it was a bad labor but it was worth it - so, I thought. Finally after all the testing and probing they gave me my baby girl. Yes, I was a protective mother she was my jewel, my little diamond she was mine. The following night she slept next to me. I swore to her I’ll always protect her. I was married to her father at the time yet I was raising her on my own she was my little shadow. Where I went she was. My baby girl yet today I was called by her “nameless birth giver”. Me the one that raised her and taught her everything she knows! Unfortunately, I divorced her father for obvious reasons she was 6. Her father met some **bleep** I was raging (instead of fighting for our marriage he hooked up with a 22 yr old **bleep**) I decided to finalize the divorce and meet a man of my own. Circumstances changed. My new life required me to travel due to my new relationship and business venture. I didn’t want to take her away from her father and didn’t want to put her through courts and lawyers and so forth thus, I decided to spend two months (dec and Jan) and 3-4 months in the summer (June to sept). So I could spend quality time with her without disrupting her schooling and friends (keep in mind I spent every minute of everyday with her). This started at the age of 7 until today she’s 16. I took her on vacations Jamaica when she was 12 (that’s when her dad finally agreed to get her passport) Disney land Florida when she was 13, Italy for 6 weeks when she was 14, and Jamaica when she was 15 turning 16. This year for her 17 the bday I had plans to go to Jamaica again as my sister (her aunt) is getting married. Yet, here I am hurt and devastated cuz the most precious thing in my life called me a nameless birth-giver. As she explains it: she’s tired of going back and forth, she hurts every time I leave but she never told me this - last time I was crying and she’s like mommy we spent the entire summer together plus u’ll only be gone for 3 months! And it’s time with dad- Now she turns on me saying I abandoned her HOW? Please someone out there explain to me how I abandoned her?! I fed her put clothes on her back never missed her birthday or any special occasions for that matter. Made sure to spend as much time as possible with her. I spent more quality time with her then her father yet I abandoned her?! How?!?!? May I add her dad is a deadbeat selfish father his new wife wants to divorce him (I nvr talked bad about her dad to her). Please someone explain to me how someone can switch and be so hurtful. I’m not sure what happened. I’m in the same town been here for a month now she hasn’t msged me nor called me. It’s my quality time with her she has no interest. Y?! I can’t figure it out. Please help as I’m dying inside. I have no other kids by choice I didn’t want her to feel out of place. Big mistake. She has three siblings from her dad. I don’t know what happened. Please someone help me make sense of all of this.

[TOM-RO]

Hey @cchurting- we are based in Australia, so just as a heads up, most of our  resources will be aimed at parents with children living in Australia. You are welcome to use the forum as a place of support however! 

From the sounds of it, you're having a bit of a rough patch with your daughter, and I can imagine that it would hurt a lot to here someone you love so much say something like that to you  Unfortunately, lots of teens are go through a bit of a bumpy time at around this age, and can often take it out on the people who are closest to them. It might help to have a sit down talk with your daughter and ask her why she feels that way, and how saying something like that really hurt your feelings. 

In the meantime, are you getting sufficient support for yourself? It could help to call a parenting helpline local to you  

I'll tag a couple of other parents who might have their own advice or experiences to share 
@Hales123 @Faob_1 @lizard0812

[cchurting]

Thank you for your kind words. I’m hoping that she’ll snap out of it but I im having a hard time understanding how and why she’s acting this way. I tried talking to her but there’s no reasoning she’s too stubborn.

[lizard0812]

Hey @cchurting I’m so sorry you are going through this my heart truly breaks for you. I have no advise I am struggling with a 13 year old boy but totally different circumstances. I think sometimes our kids just need us not material things not holidays just our time and our love. I am a single mum and I have finally had to almost let my boy go completely cause he needs his dad at this time. It is breaking my heart into pieces but it is what is best for everybody at this time. It’s hard when they say hurtful things very hard but they always hurt the ones they love we have to remember that. One thing going for my son is he is always apologetic and remorseful. Good luck and always know we are here for support

[cchurting]

Thank you for your reply. My daughter is the sweetest most sensitive girl also very apologetic. That is why I don’t understand what has gotten into her. I feel as though I don’t even know her which is truly hard to accept. I try to spend quality time with her always try to listen to her and we always talk on the phone (when I’m not around) to make sure that I am always available to listen to her. As of lately she’s turned on me I don’t understand why. Hopefully, she’ll get past this stage. Thank you for your kind words.