Breakup due to son having Autism

[t2008]

Has anyone else experienced a breakup due to one of their children having Autism & Adhd?

It's been pretty tough. This was my first relationship after my Divorce & it's been extremely difficult. I am on a carers pension for my son, I can't work because his behaviour is very challenging. It's just horrible.
Would love to chat to anyone out there

[Chloe-RO]

Hi @t2008 ,

Thank you for reaching out and posting about what's been happening. It sounds like a very difficult place to be in. It is understandable that you want to connect with others who may have experienced a similar situation. 

I'm wondering if you have ever connected with Amaze? This a nation autism helpline. They may be able to suggest some services to support both you and your child. Carer Gateway is another service you may be interested in. By connecting with others, I hope you will feel less alone in this journey.

As a carer, do you have any supports in place? I read that you find your son's behaviour quite challenging at times. This can be very difficult if you are a sole carer for your son. 

Please know you are not alone.

[Stormy-RO]

Hi @t2008 it's nice to hear from you. I'm really sorry to hear about what's happening with your breakup. I can imagine how hard it would be to open up again after a divorce to experience another relationship breakdown. It sounds like you and your son have been through a lot together. Your commitment to looking after your son when his behaviour is so challenging is commendable, especially when it means you can't work.

If you feel comfortable, we'd love to hear more about your experiences and journey with your son. How are you looking after yourself in this time? Are there any supports you can lean on while you're going through this? We're here to listen and help in any way we can. 

[t2008]

Hi there,
Thanks for replying.

Yes I rang Amaze on Saturday & the called me today. I used to me a member when my son was first diagnosed at 3. They have sent me some links. I just explained it's not for my son but more me. After the relationship break up, I have been diagnosed with grief depression.

I have supports in place & I self manage his NDIS. There is no room to move with my son. He is very fixed & if he doesn't want to do something NO ONE can get him to shift. It's absolutely draining!!

Thank you so much for answering.

[t2008]

Hi Stormy-Ro,

Yes, that's exactly it! I never thought I'd be in this position again. It took me 4 years to open back up & I thought he'd stick around. I've actually fell into grief depression. On top of everything else. My sons Psychologist states I'm an absolute miracle at what I've endured but it doesn't feel that way because I'm on my own again. I have an 11 year old daughter too.

I am on a carers pension for my son, I have been since my ex husband left in 2016.

I don't have support for myself. Every male would like in on me but not with what I come with so I thought I picked well with this relationship but it has ended.

[Zig_RO]

Hi T2008,

How are you doing today,

Thank you for replying it’s really amazing to see how dedicated you are to finding support with this current experience you’re facing, you should be very proud of the steps you have already put in place and it’s inspiring to hear how far you’ve come over the years I wanted to commend you on your strength.

Have you thought about engaging with any professional support for yourself? It sounds like this issue is having a massive effect on you and having that professional support by your side would be beneficial to both you and your children. I also wanted to ask if you had any friends or family, you could reach out to.

I just wanted to commend you again on your strength, you can see that you really care for your kids, and I bet they are incredibly grateful for the parent they have. Make sure you are allocating time for yourself as your own wellbeing is the most beneficial thing for both you and your kids.

If you think you could use some extra support, here are some services you could consider:

• centre for excellence in child and family welfare
• relationship-loss griefline

Please don’t be afraid to reach out to both the community and the ReachOut team with any support or resources you may need.

Look forward to hearing from you.

[t2008]

Hello,
Today was tough.

You see my ex who I have just split from was recently diagnosed with adhd. The home environment was very hard, especially with my son.

I've spoken with my case manager from.the NDIS. I self manage my sons funding.

My ex & I could have worked it out with the family therapist but he didn't love me anymore.

I got extremely down about this.

Yes, I see my sons Psychologist too. He was actually the Family Therapist when I went through Family Court.

I've tried grief line but I can never get on the forum correctly 🙄

There are not many support groups around.

[Abbi-ro]

Hi @t2008,

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It must be so difficult to go through this whilst looking after your son. Separations can be so challenging and having children to juggle, I commend you for the effort you are putting in to try to cope.

I notice you are trying to connect with griefline. 

Do you have any support from friends, family or professionals? We also have some resources that might be relevant for you.  Parents Beyond Breakup is a service which has resources and a business hours counselling line. There are also two websites: health direct and family relationships which both have some information and other referrals.

Please feel most welcome to keep us updated