My 16 year old son was taken by another family, and wiped me from his life

[Debbr29]

My son & I had a fight, he took off out of the front of the house, next thing he's at his girlfriends. she messages me and says, we have him, hope this doesn't cause any trouble. The mother & girlfriend drove around & took him without me knowing. 10 months later, he won't talk to me. Sneaks around when I'm not home. These other so called parents, have done everything to keep him there and nothing to send him home. The only thing they have said to me is, were not involved. I have tried to talk to him, to get through to him, & nothing. He has wiped me completely. I am at a loss!!

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Debbr29 wow I can imagine this is a very painful, confusing situation. You mentioned your son creeps around, do you mean your house? It sounds like both of you have really been affected by this fight.. Do you know much about his health and wellbeing via the GF's parents?

I am wondering if writing him a letter would help at all, or asking if he would sit down with you and a third person to mediate, even if you could start small; like catching up for lunch once a week again? Another really good resource for you could be Relationships Aus [click here] who can provide some counselling around the current situation, it's important you feel supported throughout this.

Hopefully some of the other parents will jump in with their ideas soon, will continue speaking soon

[Debbr29]

Thanks for that. Yes he sneaks around to get stuff. Doesn't see his sister. These other parents, don't talk to me. Avoid & hide if they see me. Have given him an apprenticeship without talking to me, so he left school. He has given up his friends, and there's so much more. I have written numerous letters, sent posts. Tried it all to get through to him & these parents. I get nothing.

[Chalker]

Hi @Debbr29, I sympathize with you and feel your pain.  You seem to be doing all the right things, keep writing him letters, he needs to know you will always be there.  It must be hard for your daughter also.  I have experienced a similar situation and  the heartache and pressure on other family members is enormous.  If it helps, in my experience the person who left home did return after three years. 

[Ngaio-RO]

Hi @Debbr29 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. What a nightmare.

It's so horrible to feel utterly powerless like this but I agree with @Chalker, you're handling it the best way you can.

Have you thought about writing a letter to the parents to explain your position?

[Debbr29]

I did write a letter to the parents. I outlined how they made me feel. The problems they have caused. I asked them to send my son home, and all they said was, were not involved. They took no responsibility & to this date still haven't. How do so called parents, do this to another parent.

[Debbr29]

Thanks. I continually try and reach out. Unfortunately the girlfriend is running the show & keeps him away, along with her parents. They literally throw gifts & money at him. Something I just can't do

[Ngaio-RO]

That's very tricky. I feel for you very much.

It might not appeal to you, so feel free to ignore this suggestion, but what if you wrote again, to the parents and girlfriend and thanked them for caring for your son. Then, instead of explaining how much damage they've done to your family you could explain how much you miss him and how you want a chance to re-connect with him.  

Basically trying to turn them into allies rather than enemies.

Could something like that work?

[Debbr29]

Nobody wants to have a conversation, including the parents. They hide if the see me.
I have no allies in that house, at all. God help me I've tried.

[Ngaio-RO]

Yep I'm sure you have. I'm so sorry. What a difficult situation for you.