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[Jeany]

Hi,

My boys are 9 and 11.

I am having a rough day, my 11yo has been butting heads with me for a while now trying to be the aplha. he is always arguing with me and gaming is always more important. He is always trying to control his younger brother as well.

I try to be a really positive person but this is really starting to get me down

[Timdan_17]

Hey there. I am so happy to find this forum. I am a mum of three, Tahlia 18, Zacharie 10 and Mason, soon to be 15 and the reason for reaching out. They all bring laughter to my life, Mason is particularly witty, he’s always got a quick and sassy reply! We keep our stress down by sharing the load, and keep a strong emphasis on our health and fitness, eating well and keeping active - we stress the importance of this to Mas, too. Mason was the reason, he has found school harder and life in general keeps him on his toes, he had a few medical setbacks, too. We’ve found, and it’s tough to do when you’re balancing all the commitments life brings, but dinner together at the table as often as we can during the week and a couple of times a month a dedicated family activity, ranging from a new trail walk, brunch on the weekend or dinner out, just to checkin tell them they’re awesome and that we love them. Best thing about the weekends - a sneaky sleep in and outside time in the sunshine and fresh air!

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Timdan_17 , welcome to the forums  and thanks for sharing with us. Raising three teenagers sounds like you must have your hands full at times ! It is lovely to hear how involved and close you are with your children and their health. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that Mason has had, it is god that he has you and his other siblings for support. Your weekend family activities sound awesome and are surely great for family bonding time. You must have a very strong and supportive family system

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Jeany  and welcome to the ReachOut forums  

I can really empathise with you with your 11 year old, I'm also the parent of an 11 year old and it can be a tough age at times, especially as puberty is starting to approach quickly! We've found tying the use of gaming devices to a list of chores that need to be done and house rules to be helpful, do you think that would work with your son?  I think at this age they're often wanting to push boundaries a bit more, there's a lot of changes going on in their brains! The raising children network have a great resource on the types of changes that are happening with pre-teens/ teenagers brain development, you can check that out here if you're interested. 

Parenting can be a tough gig at times, and it's important to look after yourself as well - do you have good supports that you can reach out to in your life, or time to prioritise a bit of self care for yourself? If you'd ever like to have a chat to someone one on one we do offer a free parents coaching service with experienced family counsellors - you can check that out here.   

[Patchesme]

Hi
Am a 41 year old with a full time step son living in our home and 2 living with the other parent. Am in a lesbian relationship for nearly 2 years.

My former upbring is from christian background and military upbringing. Been hard to adjust for the 2 years we been together as have never settle down until now or someone with kid's.am looking for advise and tools i can use to help me to be a better step parent. So hola everyone 😊

[Erin25]

My son is almost 15. The last time he made me laugh he was putting on a foreign accent which was spot on! Parenting has become more stressful for me lately as my son exerts his independence and I have been managing this by seeking support from others (work colleagues, school supports and reading about how other parents cope. I must admit, i am really doubting my ability to be a good parent lately.which has been the prompt to ‘reach out’! My best tip for parents with preteens is to brace yourself for the changes. It is a much different world then when you were a teenager. The best thing about weekends is freedom to relax.

[sidneysdad]

Hi

from one puzzled parent to another ,if we didn't have doubts we would be worse parents . You are making an effort, talking to others , reading up doing positive things.Sounds good to me.

Your son exerting himself , wanting some independence ,are all good healthy things as long as there is mutual respect between you both. In a perfect world the adults would have all the answers and all the patience needed. We would have flexible jobs that paid us well and would never be tired or grumpy.

My son is nearly 11 and already tries to exert probably a little more independence than he can safely manage. I guess he is training me for the teenage years to come. I just try to allow him enough to let him grow and try to maintain the mutual respect.When i just want to scream I use a trick i learned from the movie Cabaret , I go away from the house to the noisiest place I can find with no one around ,have a good long scream breathe in and go right , I can deal with this and go home.I am assuming the brace position early cheers

[Erin25]

Thank you for replying! I scream in my car sometimes like a lunatic then start laughing at myself!
You hit the nail on the head. Independence with mutual respect. The trouble with my son is that he gets so caught up with his teenage life and caught up in the moment that he makes that decision to give away his ‘grown up’ privilege of an 11pm curfew and declares that he is staying out with my permission or without. He will tell me he is staying at so-and-so’s house but there is no interaction between me and the parents of that teenager whom I don’t know and I am not given his friend’s # either. This makes me uncomfortable. He then stops answering any texts or calls from me. He and his group of friends like to drink a bit and also dabble with marijuana. He also confessed to me that he and his friends took a hit of LSD one night and he didn’t want to come home because they were having fun ‘tripping’! I support independence and teens having fun but I worry about him because this is all not suitable for this age group and could go pear shaped pretty quickly. I feel fortunate that he feels comfortable talking to me about this but at the same time I get paranoid now about giving him pocket money because he might spend it on drugs. I am starting to just let be what will be and pray that he can keep himself safe and will call me if he needs help.
Anyway , it’s good that you’re preparing yourself for a few years down the track because you just don’t know. Are you anticipating any issues such as peer pressure? Impulsiveness?

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Erin25, thanks for sharing your story with us. I just wanted to quickly pop in to say that it sounds like you have been going through some tough times lately with your son. I am sorry to hear that you have been uncomfortable with some of your sons decisions, but like you mentioned, it is really awesome that he feels comfortable enough with you to discuss these things.  I don't know if you are already aware, but we offer a one-on-one support service that you can access to speak to a trained counsellor for some advice and support. You might find it to be helpful for to talk to someone about what you have been going through (or in the future). Here is a link for some further information if you are interested. Feel free to let us know how you're getting on  .

[Holly87]

I’m a mum of 5 kids ages 14, 12, 12, 9 and 5. They always r making me laugh, and I absolutely love having a big family most of the time! I am however struggling with a teenage girl I feel I have zero control over whatsoever. Mainly here for support regarding my teenage daughter as I’m feeling so lost and can’t cope.