Hi Dolphin Lover,
I'm so sorry to hear what you and your daughter have been through, and commend you for coming here for help and connection. I haven't experienced the suicide of anyone close to me, but I keep meeting people who have lost someone close to them to suicide, including parents. How do you make sense of it all if you have a mind that does try to make sense of the unexplainable? Ending the pain of it all through any means available must be tempting and even feel like the only way. I don't know if there are any support groups or organizations for families who have lost someone to suicide and Lifeline is a possible starting point. No doubt someone here might know of something. If there isn't something, there needs to be.
Have you spoken to your daughter's school? Is she still at the same school? Do you know any of her friends and is she connecting with them?
I've written a reply to another parent and recommended a book called "Atomic Habits" and mentioned some of our family's experiences dealing with tough times. I have been living with an acute illness for 17 years and to be honest have no idea how I'm still here and I have frequent close calls. It is really hard living with a really hard unchangeable truth and it can be too hard to even think about moving forward. Breathing can be hard enough. I don't know if there's someone in your lives, a special person who can just love on you both and somehow counteract the awful horror of what's happened. I thought a friend's husband had died of a heart attack but he had suicided. She doesn't talk about it and I found out what happened through someone else. I do what I can.
Lastly, I just wanted to tell you that I did Lifeline's Suicide Intervention Course - ASIST - because I was picking up my daughter and her friends late at night and there had been a few local suicides and her friend had attempted a few times. I put the ASIST sticker on the back of my phone. Most people probably don't know what it means but a young man had shared that his friend had taken his life a year ago and I could express my concern about suicide by showing him that sticker and it had weight with him.
Lastly, you might've thought about this but keep a close eye and be kind to yourself around special dates especially the first anniversary of his suicide. The young man I mentioned had raised his friend's suicide because the anniversary was coming up.
Sending love and hugs,
Birdwings
PS Don't know if you can access a support animal somehow. We have three dogs to get us through our situation. I have a dog on my lap right now and my keyboard is balanced across the top of him. Maybe your daughter could walk someone's dog or the school might be able to put you in touch with someone.
