I know I am late to this conversation but I just found this forum. My 19 year old son wants nothing to do with me. I divorced his dad after 21 years of marriage when my son was 10 years old. His dad was a not a great father - not very hands on, did not do much with our son. He loved him, but did not do a lot with him. It was just me and my boy doing everything together from homework to field trips. We always got along. We were complete buddies! I remarried and my second husband never bonded with my son and it destroyed our marriage where I found myself divorcing yet again. But even through that, I never ever let my son feel unwanted or neglected. When he turned 14 he started really distancing from me and acting kind of angry and not himself. I kept telling him to be easy on himself as its just puberty and hormones. It got worse and worse. He could barely look at me anymore. I made the mistake of crying in front of him because it hurt so bad to have him treat me so awfully. He moved in with his dad right after he turned 18. We barely had a relationship. Suddenly during a visit with him while he was at college, he starts asking me my feelings on transgenders and I played very politically correct with my answers because I had a feeling he was baiting me to get me upset or try to argue with me. That evening I asked him if he questioned me about that because he felt transgender and he said yes. I played it cool even though I was completely shocked as he never showed any tendancies towards that is whole life. I reached out to my parents for advice and told him I told my parents. He got so furious with me and our relationship was even more worse. We barely spoke to each other for months until I finally managed to get him to my place for a small birthday party I threw for him. While prepping for the party he started bashing me and asking me why I didnt do certain things for him and putting me down and telling me I needed psychiatric help, etc etc. It was so awful I had to ask him to leave. In tears I kept saying 'please leave'. His words were so hurtful to me I could not handle it anymore. Now, we do not speak at all. If I do get him to speak he tells me I yelled at him his whole life and was mean and vindictive to him. He said I made him feel unworthy and unloved. I was shocked beyond words as that is so far the opposite of the truth. All I did was dote on him. I didnt even want to see him lose a game. I protected him and smothered him in love, so how he is coming up with these crazy things is beyond me and so incredibly painful to hear. When I tell him that its not true he calls me a liar. When I ask for examples of how I made him feel unloved he says "I already told you and you are being narcissistic in pretending you do not know and you are rewriting history to make yourself out to be the good guy'. I am beyond stunned and shocked at his words and what he remembers about me. I think I should have mentioned he is a genius, like a genius IQ and never got a B in his life. He was always socially awkward but finally was able to make a bunch of friends in high school. It was a school for advanced placement. I finally started readying about gender dysmorphia - basically the person is uncomfortable in their own body - and one of the symptoms is to blame others for how one feels. So, I guess that is what he is doing. There was noone else in his life but me. He saw his dad twice a month and he saw my parents just a few times a year, but he says noone made him feel unworthy as much as I did. I can barely even type those words because all I did was praise him, non stop, actually praised him too much. So, now I feel like Im in mourning for the loss of my son. His father, the one who was never there for him, suddenly steps in after 18 years and my son gets along great with him. I guess I am the easy target, the easy punching bag. The pain is so strong it physically hurts me and I feel like Im walking in mud, like I cant move. Thanks for listening. I am praying that if he starts hormone therapy or whatever he needs to do for this transgender he will start to feel better. I forgot to mention that he started showing a lot of anger at the age of 14 and he would even say he hates people and hates himself, etc. I begged him to go to a therapist but he refused every single time. Finally he agreed but walked out as it got started. He convenietly forgets I tried to get him to therapy. I think maybe deep down he is mad I did not figure out he was going through gender dysmorphia ? I was clueless to it. he never wanted to wear female clothes or try make up. thanks for listening. Any advice will be appreciated.
