Advice and reassurance please ?

[Tinkerkell]

Well...I don't actually know where to begin, My boyfriend has full custody of his daughter and before I was around they lived in his mum's so she was basically brought up by her nan...I came on to the scene close to her being near to 5.
Basically the word no was not a part of my stepdaughters life she was unintentionally being kept a baby, I could go into it more but there is too much... anyways when we moved in together I gave a grace period in the hope that a lot of her behavioural aspects where purely due to upbringing. That has probably contributed to some aspect but I do believe there is something more there primarily possible ADHD.
The reason I need advice is coz I asked my fella, her dad, if we could look into getting her assessed and he refused point blank, he doesn't see the point in knowing either way, what he sees as typical kid behaviour I see as something different.

[Tinkerkell]

Example of traits I mean are inability to maintain eye contact, unable to remember more than one instruction at a time, always fidgeting/singing/whistling, unable to focus on a task for long without frustration and more.....

[Eleanor-RO]

Hey Tinkerkell,

Thanks for posting tonight on Reach Out parents,

You’ve mentioned moving in together with your partner and his daughter, how is this going?

You suspect that your partner’s daughter may have ADHD, and while the symptoms you’ve listed are consistent with an ADHD diagnosis, they can also be typical behaviors for a young child. It can be really tricky to distinguish between the two and like you’ve mentioned its important to have a professional conduct an assessment.

ADHD Australia have a lot of useful information on their website, such as the advice given in the paragraph below. They recommend that your partner and your self talk to a GP.

“If you suspect you or your child might have ADHD, please make an appointment to see your general practitioner (GP). Your GP will carry out an initial assessment and if they also suspect ADHD, they will complete the necessary referral to a specialist who can diagnose the disorder, such as a psychiatrist, developmental paediatrician or psychologist.” - https://www.adhdaustralia.org.au/about-adhd/adhd-in-children/

If you’re partners daughter does have ADHD and this is not identified, it could be detrimental to their wellbeing as explained in the link above by ADHD Australia. Do you think your partner would be willing to read through that webpage? It could shed some light on the situation for him.

Thanks again for reaching out, it’s great to hear the concern you have for your partners daughter and wanting her to receive the support she may need. We’re here if you need any more advice or if you want to share any further thoughts.

[Tinkerkell]

Unfortunately my boyfriend (her dad) shuts down whenever I broach the subject, I am her main care giver but unfortunately with no parental rights. I really hope I am wrong but without knowing either way it's hard to know what to do for the best 😞

[MAYC-RO]

Hi @Tinkerkell 

I'm so sorry that you are continuing to deal with such a frustrating situation! It's clear that you have your stepdaughter’s best interests at heart but are facing roadblocks in your attempts to have her assessed for ADHD. 

It seems that you are dealing with this on your own - Have you considered seeking one-on-one support for yourself to help navigate this situation, or at least to help reduce the amount of stress this is causing you?

Here is an online resource specifically for dealing with issues that come up within stepfamilies which may be useful for you. Take care