Alienated child engaging in high risk behaviour

[Overwhelmedmum]

My currently 16 year old daughter became friends with an extremely toxic peer two years ago. I always trusted my daughters choice of friends and over the next few months as this girl encouraged my daughter in anti-social and illegal behaviour (drinking, nude pics, sex) I started discouraging the friendship and eventually decided to remove my daughter from the school and told her to cut off all communication with her. My daughter agreed and after an initial issue (this girl used a third party to send my daughter emotional blackmail messages including threats to kill herself without my daughter) she settled in to her new school and developed healthy friendships. However 5 months later this girl managed to claw back into my daughters life and blame me for ruining their friendship. This girl encouraged my daughter to run away from my loving home and live with her father. Her father is a perpetrator of DV against myself and my children and is giving my daughter alcohol, vaping, and drugs. My daughter has cut off all contact with myself, her brothers and all family and family friends. Her father has told her that I am crazy and I never loved her and that all I wanted to do was control her. She has called me and told me she hates me and wants me out of her life. I am left feeling completely devastated and grieving beyond anything I have ever experienced - I miss her with all my heart and she is my only daughter and we shared a very close relationship before all of this. I am so concerned as she is now failing school and her attendance is dismal. The school says there is nothing they can do as she is choosing to live with her father despite them realising (finally) that he really doesn’t care about her education. I feel so helpless and don’t know what to do. Yes I am seeing a counselor but she also doesn’t know what to do except try and help me get through each day.

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Overwhelmedmum 

I am so deeply sorry to read your post. 

What is very clear is that you are a loving mum who only wants the best for your daughter. I can just imagine how shocking and scary this must be for you. 

Something you mentioned was that before all of this, you and your daughter shared a very close relationship. I feel that the bond you have with her will stand the test of time but that doesn't make the present any easier for you. 

I'm glad to hear you have a counsellor to get you through each day. Do you have close family/friends supporting you at the moment?