Autistic stepson

[Johnnycage]

I have an autistic stepson, 12 years old, 13 this year. I've been with mom who is now fiance for going on 4 years now. We have a 3 year old son together and she has a daughter as well. Same father as older autistic boy. 3 kids total under roof. Anywho. Me and the autistic child aren't exactly getting along as well as my step daughter and obviously my biological son are. He constantly is challenging my authority, has gotten aggressive and physical as well. I've tried old school tactics when this happens, I've tried new school tactics when this happens. I can see where this is going and I am trying to stop it. I want so hard for this family to work but I feel I'm losing this battle. I honestly hate coming home from work because I know I have to deal with his disrespectful attitude and I am walking on eggshells to discipline him. If I even talk to him he just doesn't respond. I speak and say "hey how are you how was your day?" He literally ignores like I didn't even say anything to him. He huffs and puffs when I walk into the room. I will not put up with this much longer. I need help please anyone. I want this to work with my fiance and our family that we're trying to build but I can see the end near. There are other factors in his behavior with his grandmother and we've sort of neutralized that issue but this problem still persists. I'm at wits end with this child. I love him as my own but I'm starting to resent him also. Not sure which outweighs the other at this time to be honest. Please help. I won't let him destroy my ability to be there for my biological child. He hits even when I'm trying to talk calmly to him about behaviours that won't be tolerated in my house. 

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Johnnycage 

It's really amazing to see how much you want to connect with your stepson and to build on your relationship with him. It shows how much you care about your family and are taking your responsibility as a step parent seriously. It's clear to see how much your family means to you.

I'm wondering if your stepson has any professional supports in place at the moment? That could be a great place to start with some support on how best to improve your relationship with him. ReachOut is an Australian based organisation, however you might find some relevant support in your area via Autism Speaks.

[Mauii]

Hi,

Have you consulted with a clinical psychologist who specalises in ASD? In my experience changes to routine, stability, sensory and communication difficulties will be playing a role in his behaviour. The right professional support and implementation of appropriate strategies will make things more manageable / easier over time. Your step son sounds like he is having a very difficult time. It is impossible to manage this on your own without professional guidance who specialise in this area. It’s a hard situation and also with work commitments, but, utilising appropriate supports and putting in Will pay off over time. I hope things improve for you, fiancé, asd step son and other children.

[Bre-RO]

Hi @Mauii thanks for offering some support here.

It sounds like you've got some experience with ASD and getting the right support?